Review of The Maverick of Copper Creak by R.C. Ryan:
Alright, time for some honesty here...I am just breaking into the world of Western Romance. I've read quite a few but I'm still no expert for sure. That being said, this book was a nice, easy read with a sweet love story, as are most Westerns that I've read.
We'll begin with the story line. Everyone loves a "Rogue comes home to a long lost love" story. Jealousy, regret, passion, banked home fires, etc., etc. In this, our author does not disappoint. The action keeps you coming back, the love story is ever evolving, believable, and fun, and our secondary characters leave you eagerly awaiting the next book in the series (Griff's book, BTW).
Our Heroine is tough as nails and ready to take on the world. You know me and my love for a strong heroine so, of course, I bonded with Brenna immediately and hung with her to the bloody end. Never one to whine or complain, she makes for a fast moving story line that never bores. I was hard pressed to find anything I didn't enjoy about her...in fact, I can't think of a single thing.
The very same can be said for our Hero, Ash MacKenzie. A true cowboy to the very bone, his fast-acting, no non-sense way of life and love makes you long for a Montana man of your very own. *swoon* Superman is quite apt here, quite apt.
The only issue I had with this novel was a couple of cheesy lines and the overuse of "bro". This may end up just being Whit's personality and something that you just kind of get used to as the novels move along but it was almost to the point of cringe-worthy here. "Bro" and some of the rather uncomfortable and awkward dialogue can occasionally make for some areas of the book being skimmed through but what's good sticks with you, rather like Mad MacKenzie's Garlic Mashed Potatoes.
Verdict? A good book, for sure. Characters you want to invite over for dinner. A series worth watching out for and an author that's going onto my "To-Read" shelf.
Hero: ★★★★★
Heroine: ★★★★★
Plot: ★★★
Steam: ★★ 1/2
OVERALL RATING: ★★★ 1/2
Favorite Scene: Family fight at the Pub
Favorite Quote: "How could she give her heart to one man, when she'd already lost it completely to the entire MacKenzie family all those years ago?"
***I was given a free copy from NetGalley for an honest review***
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Saturday, August 30, 2014
What a Lady Demands (The Eton Boys Trilogy #2) by Ashlyn Macnamara
Review for What a Lady Demands (The Eton Boys Trilogy #2) by Ashlyn Macnamara:
I'll start off by saying that I have never read this author before which, of course, means I have not read the first book in the series either. That being said I thoroughly enjoyed this endearing little historical romance.
On a bizarre and unusual note for me, I enjoyed the first half of the story more than the second half. I fully enjoyed the actual romance and family building while the confrontation with the antagonists toward the end left me a little wanting. I guess it wasn't meant to be an all out boss battle, due to several interactions with the antagonists that let up to the final confrontation, but it was like a blip then it was gone. *sigh* I'm a sucker for action though so I guess I am a little biased here. The beginning of the novel had me completely falling in love with our Heroine as well as our Hero's son, Jeremy. What a duo they made throughout the book!
Our Heroine, Cecelia Sanford, is a force to be reckoned with. Strong, independent, and not in the slightest bit a shrinking violet, she makes for quite the entertaining love story. Confrontational and defiant to her very core she is the last thing that our Hero would every dream of wanting for himself and his family. And doesn't it just always turn out that what you never thought you'd want is exactly what you need? *swoon* As I have said before, I love strong Heroines. Cecelia knows exactly when to push and when to back down while keeping her ward's best interest at heart at all times. As with about 70% of historical romances, our heroine is hiding a past that she would rather not confront but that she will need to in order to move forward in her life....enter our Hero.
Viscount Lindenherst. What can I say? A haunted and injured hero who is bearing the weight of a past that no one can clear him of guilt for...except, of course, our heroine. After fighting for his country in the Napoleonic Wars, and returning with an injury that almost killed him, he runs every single inch of his life with military precision. Unforgiving of even the smallest slight and burdened with constant guilt, anger, and loneliness, our hero could use a little help. Luckily, our heroine applies as a governess for his son and, after a plethora of arguments and steamy meetings in darkened corners, irrevocable cracks are made in his armor and it's all down hill from there.
A simple, sweet love story involving an entire family with substantial barriers to overcome, this is more of an emotional read than anything else. If you need to curl up on the couch with your ice cream and/or popcorn and have a good cry, this is the way to do it. Even with some drags toward the end, the surprises and shocking revelations will keep you on your toes while you fall head over heals for this wholly adorable family.
Hero: ★★★
Heroine: ★★★★
Plot: ★★★
Steam: ★★★★
OVERALL RATING: ★★★ 1/2
Favorite Scene: First time Cecelia meets Jeremy!
Favorite Quote: "Who are you to me?"
***I was given a free copy by NetGalley for an honest review***
I'll start off by saying that I have never read this author before which, of course, means I have not read the first book in the series either. That being said I thoroughly enjoyed this endearing little historical romance.
On a bizarre and unusual note for me, I enjoyed the first half of the story more than the second half. I fully enjoyed the actual romance and family building while the confrontation with the antagonists toward the end left me a little wanting. I guess it wasn't meant to be an all out boss battle, due to several interactions with the antagonists that let up to the final confrontation, but it was like a blip then it was gone. *sigh* I'm a sucker for action though so I guess I am a little biased here. The beginning of the novel had me completely falling in love with our Heroine as well as our Hero's son, Jeremy. What a duo they made throughout the book!
Our Heroine, Cecelia Sanford, is a force to be reckoned with. Strong, independent, and not in the slightest bit a shrinking violet, she makes for quite the entertaining love story. Confrontational and defiant to her very core she is the last thing that our Hero would every dream of wanting for himself and his family. And doesn't it just always turn out that what you never thought you'd want is exactly what you need? *swoon* As I have said before, I love strong Heroines. Cecelia knows exactly when to push and when to back down while keeping her ward's best interest at heart at all times. As with about 70% of historical romances, our heroine is hiding a past that she would rather not confront but that she will need to in order to move forward in her life....enter our Hero.
Viscount Lindenherst. What can I say? A haunted and injured hero who is bearing the weight of a past that no one can clear him of guilt for...except, of course, our heroine. After fighting for his country in the Napoleonic Wars, and returning with an injury that almost killed him, he runs every single inch of his life with military precision. Unforgiving of even the smallest slight and burdened with constant guilt, anger, and loneliness, our hero could use a little help. Luckily, our heroine applies as a governess for his son and, after a plethora of arguments and steamy meetings in darkened corners, irrevocable cracks are made in his armor and it's all down hill from there.
A simple, sweet love story involving an entire family with substantial barriers to overcome, this is more of an emotional read than anything else. If you need to curl up on the couch with your ice cream and/or popcorn and have a good cry, this is the way to do it. Even with some drags toward the end, the surprises and shocking revelations will keep you on your toes while you fall head over heals for this wholly adorable family.
Hero: ★★★
Heroine: ★★★★
Plot: ★★★
Steam: ★★★★
OVERALL RATING: ★★★ 1/2
Favorite Scene: First time Cecelia meets Jeremy!
Favorite Quote: "Who are you to me?"
***I was given a free copy by NetGalley for an honest review***
Friday, August 29, 2014
Wild Nights (Justiss Alliance #3) by Tina Wainscott
Review for Wild Nights (Justiss Alliance #3) by Tina Wainscott:
I'll start off by saying that I have not read Book #1 or 2 of this series so I was walking in blind so to speak.
That being said, it was a fun read. This is only the second contemporary romance novel I have read and I think I'm starting to become a begrudging fan.
Let's begin with the plot shall we? While major plot developments and much needed interruptions occurred at miraculously convenient times that occasionally had my eyes rolling, every thing happened in a reasonable and naturally progressive manner. I loved the action, snooping, and sneaking around. On several occasions I found myself with sweaty palms and a racing heart! There is a wonderful balance of action, romance, and character building throughout. This novel deals with the very real and traumatizing issue of date rape. The discussions and character development regarding this matter are all very realistic and devastating. I was right there with the women dealing with the topic, feeling their every emotion, though I have never personally dealt with date rape or the drugs involved. Kudos to our author for being honest and forthright in discussing and confronting this terrible issue.
The only real barriers I had with the novel were the inconvenient timing of the love scenes and that the beginning of the book was a little cheesy. I found myself rolling my eyes and snorting a couple of times in the beginning but by the middle I was 100% invested. I think it just took me a while to get use to our Hero and his very nonchalant and flirty/cheesy manner (we later find out this is sort of a defense mechanism). It likely took me so long to click in because I was walking into the series quite late. Knowing this and having faith in the author, I just stuck with it until I had a feel for our hero and then things evened out.
With the love scenes it always seemed like our characters picked the absolute worst possible times to get into it but they would just throw caution to the wind and go at it anyway. Due to the tension constantly present during these scenes, it was almost impossible to sit back and enjoy them. I found myself yelling, "HURRY UP!" or "REALLY? NOW?" on several occasions. I, honestly, don't even remember if they were sweet moments or intensely passionate and wild. I was more worried about the big baddies and the potential danger lurking in the background. This was made more frustrating by the fact that there were plenty of opportunities to have nice, calm, passionate, and peaceful love scenes elsewhere in the book but they were never taken! Whyyyy Tina Wainscott? I just about had stress related heart attacks each time! Maybe that was the point? Who knows. It was stressful, but fun and exciting so who can complain?
Let's move along to our Heroine, Jennessy Shaw (she explains the name, I promise). I love me a strong heroine and our author does not disappoint. Ms Shaw is, at times, self-doubting and confused but mostly ready for a change in her life. I have a soft spot for authors that give their heroines a flaw that ends up being endearing. In this case, Jennessy's wild, curly, uninhibited hair! I loved it! It makes it so much easier to bond and connect with a heroine when you both understand that she isn't perfect. Flaws help us forgive heroines when they make all their silly mistakes, even if the flaw is something as simple as crazy hair. Don't know why, that's just the way it is, and I appreciate our author for throwing us a bone as Jennessy is basically perfect in every other possible way. Our Heroine is intelligent, capable, brave, and get this, she doesn't dress like a freaking prostitute! Even on an island full of naked/scantily clad individuals our heroine is modest but sexy. Go figure! She's a kick ass partner for our Hero and isn't afraid to take her own life and and justice into her own hands. Honestly, what isn't to love about her?
Our Hero is Superman. Not even kidding. In his disguise on the island he is dressed down, nerdy, and needy (which is important for his undercover mission) but as he starts to take off his disguise pieces, he begins to get taller, broader, and more heroic. I couldn't believe it! Someone has been reading too many comics (here's looking at you Miss Wainscott). What can I say? I loved it. I have a strange thing for Superman and superheros in general so Mr Saxby Cole was a dream boat for me. Sax is from an old Louisiana family so you expect some kind of southern accent but his is awkward and comes and goes randomly which was a little distracting but otherwise he is astonishing. A gentleman down to his toes and handsome to boot, our hero is to die for. His "I can't love you because I'll end up hurting you" mind set can occasionally grate but, after hearing the root of it, you can easily forgive. Being a dishonorably discharged Navy SEAL (this is explained through out the series) our hero is almost constantly using military lingo. Having very limited military experience -- mainly background rumblings from my family -- I understood some of his military speak and the things that made me go "huh?" did the same for our heroine, so they get explained. Finally, I adore Sax for allowing Jennessy to completely take control of her own life and find out who she is without haranguing or embarrassing her in the process, which makes for a delightful love story. *swoon* My hero!
So, let's see. A couple of hiccups in the flow of the novel but a great, though rather convenient, story line along with a magnificent pairing of Hero and Heroine. Definitely a great read. I think I may even go hunting for the next book in the series, which will hopefully be Knox and ViVi's story (Woo!).
Hero: ★★★★
Heroine: ★★★★ 1/2
Plot: ★★★
Steam: ★★★
Overall Rating: ★★★★
Favorite Scene: First time Jennessy sees Sax without his disguise!
Favorite Quote: "She met his gaze as their fingers slid against each other. It felt nice. Sax wasn't usually into nice when he has with an attractive woman. Sexy. Hot. Aroused, all good. Nice he could take or leave. But walking hand in hand with Jennessy was damned nice."
Fun Fact: Several times throughout the novel songs are brought up as playing through character's heads. If you find and play those songs while reading, it actually makes for a fun time!
***I was given a free copy by NetGalley for an honest review***
I'll start off by saying that I have not read Book #1 or 2 of this series so I was walking in blind so to speak.
That being said, it was a fun read. This is only the second contemporary romance novel I have read and I think I'm starting to become a begrudging fan.
Let's begin with the plot shall we? While major plot developments and much needed interruptions occurred at miraculously convenient times that occasionally had my eyes rolling, every thing happened in a reasonable and naturally progressive manner. I loved the action, snooping, and sneaking around. On several occasions I found myself with sweaty palms and a racing heart! There is a wonderful balance of action, romance, and character building throughout. This novel deals with the very real and traumatizing issue of date rape. The discussions and character development regarding this matter are all very realistic and devastating. I was right there with the women dealing with the topic, feeling their every emotion, though I have never personally dealt with date rape or the drugs involved. Kudos to our author for being honest and forthright in discussing and confronting this terrible issue.
The only real barriers I had with the novel were the inconvenient timing of the love scenes and that the beginning of the book was a little cheesy. I found myself rolling my eyes and snorting a couple of times in the beginning but by the middle I was 100% invested. I think it just took me a while to get use to our Hero and his very nonchalant and flirty/cheesy manner (we later find out this is sort of a defense mechanism). It likely took me so long to click in because I was walking into the series quite late. Knowing this and having faith in the author, I just stuck with it until I had a feel for our hero and then things evened out.
With the love scenes it always seemed like our characters picked the absolute worst possible times to get into it but they would just throw caution to the wind and go at it anyway. Due to the tension constantly present during these scenes, it was almost impossible to sit back and enjoy them. I found myself yelling, "HURRY UP!" or "REALLY? NOW?" on several occasions. I, honestly, don't even remember if they were sweet moments or intensely passionate and wild. I was more worried about the big baddies and the potential danger lurking in the background. This was made more frustrating by the fact that there were plenty of opportunities to have nice, calm, passionate, and peaceful love scenes elsewhere in the book but they were never taken! Whyyyy Tina Wainscott? I just about had stress related heart attacks each time! Maybe that was the point? Who knows. It was stressful, but fun and exciting so who can complain?
Let's move along to our Heroine, Jennessy Shaw (she explains the name, I promise). I love me a strong heroine and our author does not disappoint. Ms Shaw is, at times, self-doubting and confused but mostly ready for a change in her life. I have a soft spot for authors that give their heroines a flaw that ends up being endearing. In this case, Jennessy's wild, curly, uninhibited hair! I loved it! It makes it so much easier to bond and connect with a heroine when you both understand that she isn't perfect. Flaws help us forgive heroines when they make all their silly mistakes, even if the flaw is something as simple as crazy hair. Don't know why, that's just the way it is, and I appreciate our author for throwing us a bone as Jennessy is basically perfect in every other possible way. Our Heroine is intelligent, capable, brave, and get this, she doesn't dress like a freaking prostitute! Even on an island full of naked/scantily clad individuals our heroine is modest but sexy. Go figure! She's a kick ass partner for our Hero and isn't afraid to take her own life and and justice into her own hands. Honestly, what isn't to love about her?
Our Hero is Superman. Not even kidding. In his disguise on the island he is dressed down, nerdy, and needy (which is important for his undercover mission) but as he starts to take off his disguise pieces, he begins to get taller, broader, and more heroic. I couldn't believe it! Someone has been reading too many comics (here's looking at you Miss Wainscott). What can I say? I loved it. I have a strange thing for Superman and superheros in general so Mr Saxby Cole was a dream boat for me. Sax is from an old Louisiana family so you expect some kind of southern accent but his is awkward and comes and goes randomly which was a little distracting but otherwise he is astonishing. A gentleman down to his toes and handsome to boot, our hero is to die for. His "I can't love you because I'll end up hurting you" mind set can occasionally grate but, after hearing the root of it, you can easily forgive. Being a dishonorably discharged Navy SEAL (this is explained through out the series) our hero is almost constantly using military lingo. Having very limited military experience -- mainly background rumblings from my family -- I understood some of his military speak and the things that made me go "huh?" did the same for our heroine, so they get explained. Finally, I adore Sax for allowing Jennessy to completely take control of her own life and find out who she is without haranguing or embarrassing her in the process, which makes for a delightful love story. *swoon* My hero!
So, let's see. A couple of hiccups in the flow of the novel but a great, though rather convenient, story line along with a magnificent pairing of Hero and Heroine. Definitely a great read. I think I may even go hunting for the next book in the series, which will hopefully be Knox and ViVi's story (Woo!).
Hero: ★★★★
Heroine: ★★★★ 1/2
Plot: ★★★
Steam: ★★★
Overall Rating: ★★★★
Favorite Scene: First time Jennessy sees Sax without his disguise!
Favorite Quote: "She met his gaze as their fingers slid against each other. It felt nice. Sax wasn't usually into nice when he has with an attractive woman. Sexy. Hot. Aroused, all good. Nice he could take or leave. But walking hand in hand with Jennessy was damned nice."
Fun Fact: Several times throughout the novel songs are brought up as playing through character's heads. If you find and play those songs while reading, it actually makes for a fun time!
***I was given a free copy by NetGalley for an honest review***
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Relentless Liberation by J.L. Fine
Hello Readers! I was recently accepted as a Book Reviewer on NetGalley so reviews of a bunch of different Romance novels will randomly being showing up on my blog in between my regular programming hehehe To get this reviewing party started I'm be posting my very first one tonight!
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Review for Relentless Liberation by J.L. Fine:
I'll start off by saying that I do not normally read contemporary romance or "erotica" so this novel was bit of a change for me. One thing is sure, if all contemporary authors are as good as J.L. Fine, you better believe I just found myself a new genre to fall in love with!
This book was wonderful. It had everything I could have hoped for when diving into a new genre! An honest heroine, a brooding but sweet hero, antagonists that make you want to wring their neck, and the very best kind of support characters.
We'll start with the Heroine, Mina Roper. I'll be honest, for a lot of this novel I was more than frustrated with Mina's "Debbie Downer" attitude. She has major self-esteem issues and it comes through in one way or another in almost every single scene in the book. After a while you just sort of get use to it. As she explains her reasonings throughout the book, you really do start to understand and feel for her, but man, every once in a while it just grates on the brain. Otherwise, I adore her. She is mostly logical. If she happens to fly off the handle, she acknowledges it and talks herself down. Her thought processes were some of the most honest that I have ever read (i.e. "She just couldn't, for the life of her, think of anything relevant to say to this man...") which makes you instantly bond with her. I laughed, blushed, and cringed through all of her major struggles right along with her. I am, for whatever reason, incredibly overcritical of heroines. I have just met so many terrible ones and now I have minimal patience with them. If I could, I would make Mina my forever Heroine and put her in ever book I read. Unfortunately I can't, so I just wallowed in her greatness while I could.
Our Hero, Tyler Serano, is what all of us want from a hero. Damaged (of course), honest, brooding, tall, dark, and handsome. He's got some sexy tattoos (*LICK!*), a couple of fantastic jobs, isn't afraid to admit he's wrong (even though it may take a little convincing), and defends "his woman" without prompting or fear. His family is big and happy though I wish I'd gotten to know then a little more (maybe they'll have their own books soon?...nudge...nudge...). He is written as such a straightforward, genuine character that you can't help but fall in love. There is something so lovely about a man who is completely unafraid of showing the world how much he cares about someone. Throughout the book, Mina talks about feeling comfortable and safe whenever Tyler is around and J.L. Fine takes you there every time he is around.
This was the first romance novel that I have ever read that was in third person with a single major character viewpoint (I know, right?). It took me a while to figure out why the book was making me uncomfortable and antsy but once it dawned on me, I was able to get comfy and enjoy the ride. It is so disarming not knowing what all the characters are thinking and doing at all times. I know, I've been so spoiled. It was fun to expand the mind and revel in a new writing style and J.L. Fine uses simple but precise descriptions so you don't even feel like you need to know what everyone else is thinking. It's all right there on their faces and in their actions.
The thing that I enjoyed most of this book was how honest and realistic everything was. The road blocks for the Hero and Heroine were legitimate. The standard "break apart that helps with a realization of love" was done in a way that didn't make you want to strangle one of the characters or poke your own eyes out waiting for them to just get over themselves. In my opinion, this can be a critical and defining moment for any author and J.L. Fine freaking rocked it! My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, I was right there with them through the whole thing with bated breath and complete comradery! So much fun!
So I'll wrap this whole thing up with the thought that, though it had it's trip ups (rare grammar issues, occasionally grating heroine, rare awkward phrases used during intimate scenes), this book is a ride worth taking!
Hero: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Heroine: ★ ★ ★ ★
Plot: ★ ★ ★ ★
Steam: ★★★ 1/2
OVERALL RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★
Favorite scene: Tyler's Birthday!
Favorite Quote: "Instead she liked to exist in a world where the fantastic could happen, the lines between good and evil were clear, and happy endings prevailed."
Fun Fact: If you're transitioning from Paranormal to Contemporary this is a great book! The heroine consistently uses animalistic descriptions when talking about the Hero. I kept waiting to find out he was some kind of werewolf. Fun fun!
***I was given a free copy of this novel by NetGalley for an honest review***
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Review for Relentless Liberation by J.L. Fine:
I'll start off by saying that I do not normally read contemporary romance or "erotica" so this novel was bit of a change for me. One thing is sure, if all contemporary authors are as good as J.L. Fine, you better believe I just found myself a new genre to fall in love with!
This book was wonderful. It had everything I could have hoped for when diving into a new genre! An honest heroine, a brooding but sweet hero, antagonists that make you want to wring their neck, and the very best kind of support characters.
We'll start with the Heroine, Mina Roper. I'll be honest, for a lot of this novel I was more than frustrated with Mina's "Debbie Downer" attitude. She has major self-esteem issues and it comes through in one way or another in almost every single scene in the book. After a while you just sort of get use to it. As she explains her reasonings throughout the book, you really do start to understand and feel for her, but man, every once in a while it just grates on the brain. Otherwise, I adore her. She is mostly logical. If she happens to fly off the handle, she acknowledges it and talks herself down. Her thought processes were some of the most honest that I have ever read (i.e. "She just couldn't, for the life of her, think of anything relevant to say to this man...") which makes you instantly bond with her. I laughed, blushed, and cringed through all of her major struggles right along with her. I am, for whatever reason, incredibly overcritical of heroines. I have just met so many terrible ones and now I have minimal patience with them. If I could, I would make Mina my forever Heroine and put her in ever book I read. Unfortunately I can't, so I just wallowed in her greatness while I could.
Our Hero, Tyler Serano, is what all of us want from a hero. Damaged (of course), honest, brooding, tall, dark, and handsome. He's got some sexy tattoos (*LICK!*), a couple of fantastic jobs, isn't afraid to admit he's wrong (even though it may take a little convincing), and defends "his woman" without prompting or fear. His family is big and happy though I wish I'd gotten to know then a little more (maybe they'll have their own books soon?...nudge...nudge...). He is written as such a straightforward, genuine character that you can't help but fall in love. There is something so lovely about a man who is completely unafraid of showing the world how much he cares about someone. Throughout the book, Mina talks about feeling comfortable and safe whenever Tyler is around and J.L. Fine takes you there every time he is around.
This was the first romance novel that I have ever read that was in third person with a single major character viewpoint (I know, right?). It took me a while to figure out why the book was making me uncomfortable and antsy but once it dawned on me, I was able to get comfy and enjoy the ride. It is so disarming not knowing what all the characters are thinking and doing at all times. I know, I've been so spoiled. It was fun to expand the mind and revel in a new writing style and J.L. Fine uses simple but precise descriptions so you don't even feel like you need to know what everyone else is thinking. It's all right there on their faces and in their actions.
The thing that I enjoyed most of this book was how honest and realistic everything was. The road blocks for the Hero and Heroine were legitimate. The standard "break apart that helps with a realization of love" was done in a way that didn't make you want to strangle one of the characters or poke your own eyes out waiting for them to just get over themselves. In my opinion, this can be a critical and defining moment for any author and J.L. Fine freaking rocked it! My heart was racing, my palms were sweaty, I was right there with them through the whole thing with bated breath and complete comradery! So much fun!
So I'll wrap this whole thing up with the thought that, though it had it's trip ups (rare grammar issues, occasionally grating heroine, rare awkward phrases used during intimate scenes), this book is a ride worth taking!
Hero: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Heroine: ★ ★ ★ ★
Plot: ★ ★ ★ ★
Steam: ★★★ 1/2
OVERALL RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★
Favorite scene: Tyler's Birthday!
Favorite Quote: "Instead she liked to exist in a world where the fantastic could happen, the lines between good and evil were clear, and happy endings prevailed."
Fun Fact: If you're transitioning from Paranormal to Contemporary this is a great book! The heroine consistently uses animalistic descriptions when talking about the Hero. I kept waiting to find out he was some kind of werewolf. Fun fun!
***I was given a free copy of this novel by NetGalley for an honest review***
Saturday, August 16, 2014
What "Care Giver" Has Cost Me
Dear Monster,
I think it's about time that we just let you be a little kid. You've been a patient and a concern and a talking point for much of your life. You coming into this world was the worst scare your father and I have ever had but you're okay. You're just fine. We need to appreciate just how fine you are and let you be a kid for a while. Enjoy! When High School comes around I'm gonna go crazy again! hahaha
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Readers! Hello again! I hope everything is pleasant and peaceful in your lives today. As for us, we are planning a birthday! That's right. The Monster will be three years old in 7 DAYS! Say whaaaaa? In the past we have done a Star Wars Baby Shower, a Rock and Roll first Birthday, and a Ninja Turtle second Birthday. I both love and hate planning these parties. Each year the guest list gets smaller (as it should), and each year I get my committee together, blow up the dollar store, and smash a party together. This year, the theme is The Magic School Bus! My son is absolutely head over heals in love with this show right now so we're gonna make it work. Creativity and lots of food dye will be happening in my house soon.
Back on topic. As I was running through my birthday lists and eating up every ounce of Pinterest, I got a message from a friend. This friend asked what I was planning for The Monster's 3rd birthday and offered any help I might need. The offer came in this form: "Let me know if you need any help. Gotta go big or go home! You only get to do one 3rd birthday!"
Now, this was said with only the very best of intentions and kindness but I tend to the dramatic and over-thinking side of life (hahaha). So, as per my usual, I tore this comment apart and, therefore, tore myself apart.
I absolutely hate that moment when you have a beautiful coming of age realization that changes how you see everything in your life....but it comes too late. Too late did I realize that his first birthday was the only first birthday I would ever plan. His first tooth was the only first tooth that I would get to see burst from my child's poor, swollen gum line. His first haircut was the only first haircut he would ever have. I didn't savor, indulge, or wallow in any of these moments. I watched, took pictures, and moved onto the next moment.
This "Next, Next, Next" kind of mindset has a lot to do with how my Monster came into this world. There were just so very many problems to worry about that there was no time to sit and panic and be sad about every single one of them. No time to wallow in self pity or lament over the why why why! Each new bit of terrible information was given, received, processed, and moved passed. The first 6 months of his life was spent in physical therapy and hospitals making sure he was meeting developmental milestones and oxygen levels. I couldn't even tell you when he first rolled over. I'd have to consult the paperwork from his PT appointments. I don't remember at what age he got his first tooth. I'd have to look at his paperwork from his doctor appointment. It seems that the first few years of his life, both before and after he was born, were filled with doctors, nurses, physical therapy, vaccines, and surgeries and we, as a family, have just had to carry on.
So, here I am. Planning the one and only third birthday for my one and only child. Here I am, looking back, devastated, that more time wasn't taken and more care wasn't given to truly enjoying and soaking in every second of these milestones. How do I make up for the fact that I am probably the only mother in the history of mothers that has no idea at what age her son first tried solid food?
As I see it, I can cry for moments missed and forgotten or I can pick up our little family by the boot straps and start making true memories. I'm talking first of school cry sessions, first cavity complaining sessions, first heartbreak "romance movie with ice cream" sessions. I'm talking about putting my phone down, saying "screw it" to milestones, and thriving with my family. I honestly can't remember a time when I haven't been worried about my son. I've never just watched him grow and enjoyed myself without the nagging thoughts in the back of my head about development, health, well being, medications, and general distress. So, how does one start to shut that off?
How about just checking in with my family?
Well, I did just that. And you know what? We're doing just fine. Strange, I know. In this world gone crazy, my family is doing just fine.
Huh. :::walks around the house, looking for things to fix and finding none:::
So, I guess all that is left is to relax and start enjoying my family. I've been a panicked hot mess in the corner for entirely too many of those beautiful, bonding family moments I keep hearing about.
Well, no more. My son is fine. My family is fine.
We only get one chance at this so I'm gonna get my "Liam is #1" signs ready, prep for the "Mom you're embarrassing me" talk, and start being a MOM instead of a care provider.
Wish me luck! I'm stubborn as hell and I don't like change so this could take quite some time.
I think it's about time that we just let you be a little kid. You've been a patient and a concern and a talking point for much of your life. You coming into this world was the worst scare your father and I have ever had but you're okay. You're just fine. We need to appreciate just how fine you are and let you be a kid for a while. Enjoy! When High School comes around I'm gonna go crazy again! hahaha
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Readers! Hello again! I hope everything is pleasant and peaceful in your lives today. As for us, we are planning a birthday! That's right. The Monster will be three years old in 7 DAYS! Say whaaaaa? In the past we have done a Star Wars Baby Shower, a Rock and Roll first Birthday, and a Ninja Turtle second Birthday. I both love and hate planning these parties. Each year the guest list gets smaller (as it should), and each year I get my committee together, blow up the dollar store, and smash a party together. This year, the theme is The Magic School Bus! My son is absolutely head over heals in love with this show right now so we're gonna make it work. Creativity and lots of food dye will be happening in my house soon.
Back on topic. As I was running through my birthday lists and eating up every ounce of Pinterest, I got a message from a friend. This friend asked what I was planning for The Monster's 3rd birthday and offered any help I might need. The offer came in this form: "Let me know if you need any help. Gotta go big or go home! You only get to do one 3rd birthday!"
Now, this was said with only the very best of intentions and kindness but I tend to the dramatic and over-thinking side of life (hahaha). So, as per my usual, I tore this comment apart and, therefore, tore myself apart.
I absolutely hate that moment when you have a beautiful coming of age realization that changes how you see everything in your life....but it comes too late. Too late did I realize that his first birthday was the only first birthday I would ever plan. His first tooth was the only first tooth that I would get to see burst from my child's poor, swollen gum line. His first haircut was the only first haircut he would ever have. I didn't savor, indulge, or wallow in any of these moments. I watched, took pictures, and moved onto the next moment.
This "Next, Next, Next" kind of mindset has a lot to do with how my Monster came into this world. There were just so very many problems to worry about that there was no time to sit and panic and be sad about every single one of them. No time to wallow in self pity or lament over the why why why! Each new bit of terrible information was given, received, processed, and moved passed. The first 6 months of his life was spent in physical therapy and hospitals making sure he was meeting developmental milestones and oxygen levels. I couldn't even tell you when he first rolled over. I'd have to consult the paperwork from his PT appointments. I don't remember at what age he got his first tooth. I'd have to look at his paperwork from his doctor appointment. It seems that the first few years of his life, both before and after he was born, were filled with doctors, nurses, physical therapy, vaccines, and surgeries and we, as a family, have just had to carry on.
So, here I am. Planning the one and only third birthday for my one and only child. Here I am, looking back, devastated, that more time wasn't taken and more care wasn't given to truly enjoying and soaking in every second of these milestones. How do I make up for the fact that I am probably the only mother in the history of mothers that has no idea at what age her son first tried solid food?
As I see it, I can cry for moments missed and forgotten or I can pick up our little family by the boot straps and start making true memories. I'm talking first of school cry sessions, first cavity complaining sessions, first heartbreak "romance movie with ice cream" sessions. I'm talking about putting my phone down, saying "screw it" to milestones, and thriving with my family. I honestly can't remember a time when I haven't been worried about my son. I've never just watched him grow and enjoyed myself without the nagging thoughts in the back of my head about development, health, well being, medications, and general distress. So, how does one start to shut that off?
How about just checking in with my family?
Well, I did just that. And you know what? We're doing just fine. Strange, I know. In this world gone crazy, my family is doing just fine.
Huh. :::walks around the house, looking for things to fix and finding none:::
So, I guess all that is left is to relax and start enjoying my family. I've been a panicked hot mess in the corner for entirely too many of those beautiful, bonding family moments I keep hearing about.
Well, no more. My son is fine. My family is fine.
We only get one chance at this so I'm gonna get my "Liam is #1" signs ready, prep for the "Mom you're embarrassing me" talk, and start being a MOM instead of a care provider.
Wish me luck! I'm stubborn as hell and I don't like change so this could take quite some time.
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
How I love him now
Dear Monster,
Hello again, little Monster. Today I want to talk a little bit about how my love for your Daddy has changed over our 9 1/2 years together. Most of that change is due to you, which is wonderful. You've brought so very many things to our life, including a completely new way to love each other!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello again readers! I hope your July has been treating you well and that you haven't melted in your favorite chair while watching your favorite summer shows...I almost have a couple of times for sure! If you're un-melted and ready for a potentially good read I wanted to talk about my marriage today. I know, I know...marriage after baby and all that. I think I've read every blog, book, and story there is on the subject and, from these informative items, the only thing I have gained is diabetes. "Our love changed but in beautiful and mystical ways that make us better people in the end", "I see my son's father and I love his beautiful father soul", etc., etc., etc....Bleh.
Can we just be really honest for a couple of minutes? Marriage after baby can, at times, be horrible, scary, and overwhelming. These things get so much better once you accept and learn how to incorporate them but, honestly, it is never the same. What they don't tell you or prepare you for is that all that change is completely normal. Every single two-parent family goes through these changes. I don't know why it's not talked about more in the pre-baby preparation phase but it needs to be. I've put together a small list of the main changes that I have noticed in the 3 years that we've enjoyed the presence of our Monster that I hope apply for people other than myself and my little family...if not, I better start looking into therapy.
Here's the basics:
1. My definition of "Romantic" is completely upside down now. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the consummate romantic. He decides on something, then drills his brain forever to figure out the proper and most romantic way to carry it out. He has made me burst into weepy, lovey, blubbery tears multiple times and I love him for it. However, our romance is not your typical romance anymore. There are very rarely the candlelit dinners, dancing the night away, flowers in the morning, and breakfast in bed moments anymore. I now have "You can drive to dinner" (he knows I like driving), "I folded your laundry", and glasses of wine ready for me at the end of my toddler-filled days. This is our romance and this is all glorious. I no longer have time or patience for the tedious dinners where I am constantly worried about whether or not whoever has graciously volunteered to watch our son is getting annoyed because we are out an hour longer than we thought. No longer okay being frustrated that my $30 steak is not EXACTLY how I want it (that money could have gone to gas or diapers, SIR!). No longer dreading the ultimate shuffle home where we have to return to the real world. I'd rather be in my real world all the time and enjoy a new type of romance. Watching The Simpsons with a glass of wine and laughing at the same jokes we've been laughing at for 9 years, sitting on our back porch and talking about work drama and jerk drivers, and quick kisses while making dinner together. This is my family filled romantic life now and I love it!
2. Whisper fights. Remember the fiery days of dating and early marriage? The ones where you would fight all day and make love all night? Remember how idealistic and stuck in your ways and your beliefs you were? Do you remember when small talks would turn into knock down drag outs of opinions based on facts and evidence? Well, those days are gone now. Have something to fight about? You have about a 3 minute window before a child is at your feet asking what's wrong or needing something right now! If you whisper, you can get a solid 5 minutes, but that's it. I'm pretty sure world peace could be accomplished in a matter of minutes if the debate occurred between my husband and I, with our toddler playing in the kitchen. Another reason fights don't last in our home anymore? Our pride and dignity has been stripped from us. We've seen each other at our complete and utter worst. We've seen each other's absolute core and decided to stay together and love each other even more. Trust me, once you've seen your husband explaining to his son why it is not okay to rub his penis on the cat, there isn't much that'll rattle you into an argument and there aren't many things that are debate worthy anymore. He's having a hard enough time as it is. ;)
3. The best thing either of us has ever seen or experienced is now our son. There were these moments between my husband and I where we would just lay in bed, looking into each other's eyes, kissing, cuddling, and just generally being in awe of each other and our love. Gushy, mushy, happy love. Our love and the power of our relationship could easily bring me to tears. All of the new ways that my husband found to show me just how much he loved me had me in a constant state of lovely expectation. Well all of those gushy, lovey, and completely overwhelming feelings we wallowed in have been altogether dwarfed by our son. The complete and immense pride that Sean and I felt when our son took his first steps was nothing we had ever felt before. When he started saying words, we about fainted from an onslaught of emotions. There are now these moments when our son does something unexpected and we look at him then look at each other in shock and awe and tears about fill our eyes. These moments completely rock our foundation of what we thought love and pride were. Don't get me wrong, my love for my husband is pretty darn awesome, but we both agree that our love for our son is astonishingly more drastic and earth shattering.
4. Sex. Yep, sex. What was once savory and sweet is now meticulous and methodical. Ha ha ha! If my husband heard that, he'd be so mad (sorry husband!). So, maybe it's not that drastic of a change NOW but it was at first. It takes a while to figure out exactly how long you have, and how to manage your time more efficiently. Talk about business meetings! Every day our little Monster is up and ready to go around 7am so morning sex is a no-go. We both like every second of sleep we can get before starting our days. The Monster heads to bed between 830-930pm so we have to make sure we haven't had really exhausting days and that we don't watch shows that make us sleepy. This all sounds very easy but we work opposite schedules so every single night is a night when one of us just got home from a generally ridiculous day at work, and the person that didn't physically go to work that day was home with a 3 year old all day. I'd argue that that is worse than my outside-the-home job even on the best of days. So, now sex is an unspoken agreement made in the morning based on how my husband says goodbye to me. I won't go into details but there are signs. Those signs indicate that throughout that day I'm not going to exhaust myself but I am going to exhaust our son so that by 830pm he is out but Mom is not! he he he Day at the park while Mom relaxes on the bench? Heck yeah! Playing in the backyard all day while Mom reads a book on the porch? You better believe it! Glass of wine after putting the Monster to bed? HO-YEAH! Just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad. Our sex life is better than ever, we just have to be a whole heck of a lot more creative than before. But, hey, that can be the best part if you let it!
5. The best is yet to come. Before you have a kiddo you're pretty sure that things will only get better as you grow and learn together. After having our son my husband and I know that the very best of our years are ahead of us. It is yet to be decided whether this is because we will get to watch our wonderful and brilliant son learn and grow and become the adult he has so much potential for, or because we KNOW that someday that Monster will be leaving our house and we'll say "Adios!" to tantrums, school, homework, childhood and teenage drama, and slamming doors in our face. Either way, it is the best kind of comfort knowing that the best times of our lives aren't already behind us, knowing that the pinnacle and absolute very best of our lives is still waiting for us. We've had awe-inspiring, beautiful moments in our lives but because of our son, we know it is only good-times and happy-life from here.
I'm sure as our Monster grows and our relationship changes and reforms in fun new ways this list will grow and, now that I'm on the other side of the really scary stuff, I truly look forward to it. If I was going to give any sort of advice to a married couple with a new Monster it would be: Bend so you don't break. Your marriage is only one of so many things that will change once your little kiddo is here. The thing to remember is that your marriage changing due to baby is actually something you can take control of and decide how to respond to, which is not the case with many of the other changes. At times it is going to feel like things will never get back to normal and that you guys just aren't going to make it. That's okay and very normal. It's how you respond to these moments and the decisions you choose to move forward with that will decide if you'll be looking back on these times from a more bent but less fractured place. Enjoy you child. Enjoy your marriage. Laugh at as much as you can and let the rest become part of your new normal.
What have you noticed that's changed about your marriage? How did you deal with it? Are you expecting? What things do you fear may change?
Hello again, little Monster. Today I want to talk a little bit about how my love for your Daddy has changed over our 9 1/2 years together. Most of that change is due to you, which is wonderful. You've brought so very many things to our life, including a completely new way to love each other!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello again readers! I hope your July has been treating you well and that you haven't melted in your favorite chair while watching your favorite summer shows...I almost have a couple of times for sure! If you're un-melted and ready for a potentially good read I wanted to talk about my marriage today. I know, I know...marriage after baby and all that. I think I've read every blog, book, and story there is on the subject and, from these informative items, the only thing I have gained is diabetes. "Our love changed but in beautiful and mystical ways that make us better people in the end", "I see my son's father and I love his beautiful father soul", etc., etc., etc....Bleh.
Can we just be really honest for a couple of minutes? Marriage after baby can, at times, be horrible, scary, and overwhelming. These things get so much better once you accept and learn how to incorporate them but, honestly, it is never the same. What they don't tell you or prepare you for is that all that change is completely normal. Every single two-parent family goes through these changes. I don't know why it's not talked about more in the pre-baby preparation phase but it needs to be. I've put together a small list of the main changes that I have noticed in the 3 years that we've enjoyed the presence of our Monster that I hope apply for people other than myself and my little family...if not, I better start looking into therapy.
Here's the basics:
1. My definition of "Romantic" is completely upside down now. Don't get me wrong, my husband is the consummate romantic. He decides on something, then drills his brain forever to figure out the proper and most romantic way to carry it out. He has made me burst into weepy, lovey, blubbery tears multiple times and I love him for it. However, our romance is not your typical romance anymore. There are very rarely the candlelit dinners, dancing the night away, flowers in the morning, and breakfast in bed moments anymore. I now have "You can drive to dinner" (he knows I like driving), "I folded your laundry", and glasses of wine ready for me at the end of my toddler-filled days. This is our romance and this is all glorious. I no longer have time or patience for the tedious dinners where I am constantly worried about whether or not whoever has graciously volunteered to watch our son is getting annoyed because we are out an hour longer than we thought. No longer okay being frustrated that my $30 steak is not EXACTLY how I want it (that money could have gone to gas or diapers, SIR!). No longer dreading the ultimate shuffle home where we have to return to the real world. I'd rather be in my real world all the time and enjoy a new type of romance. Watching The Simpsons with a glass of wine and laughing at the same jokes we've been laughing at for 9 years, sitting on our back porch and talking about work drama and jerk drivers, and quick kisses while making dinner together. This is my family filled romantic life now and I love it!
2. Whisper fights. Remember the fiery days of dating and early marriage? The ones where you would fight all day and make love all night? Remember how idealistic and stuck in your ways and your beliefs you were? Do you remember when small talks would turn into knock down drag outs of opinions based on facts and evidence? Well, those days are gone now. Have something to fight about? You have about a 3 minute window before a child is at your feet asking what's wrong or needing something right now! If you whisper, you can get a solid 5 minutes, but that's it. I'm pretty sure world peace could be accomplished in a matter of minutes if the debate occurred between my husband and I, with our toddler playing in the kitchen. Another reason fights don't last in our home anymore? Our pride and dignity has been stripped from us. We've seen each other at our complete and utter worst. We've seen each other's absolute core and decided to stay together and love each other even more. Trust me, once you've seen your husband explaining to his son why it is not okay to rub his penis on the cat, there isn't much that'll rattle you into an argument and there aren't many things that are debate worthy anymore. He's having a hard enough time as it is. ;)
3. The best thing either of us has ever seen or experienced is now our son. There were these moments between my husband and I where we would just lay in bed, looking into each other's eyes, kissing, cuddling, and just generally being in awe of each other and our love. Gushy, mushy, happy love. Our love and the power of our relationship could easily bring me to tears. All of the new ways that my husband found to show me just how much he loved me had me in a constant state of lovely expectation. Well all of those gushy, lovey, and completely overwhelming feelings we wallowed in have been altogether dwarfed by our son. The complete and immense pride that Sean and I felt when our son took his first steps was nothing we had ever felt before. When he started saying words, we about fainted from an onslaught of emotions. There are now these moments when our son does something unexpected and we look at him then look at each other in shock and awe and tears about fill our eyes. These moments completely rock our foundation of what we thought love and pride were. Don't get me wrong, my love for my husband is pretty darn awesome, but we both agree that our love for our son is astonishingly more drastic and earth shattering.
4. Sex. Yep, sex. What was once savory and sweet is now meticulous and methodical. Ha ha ha! If my husband heard that, he'd be so mad (sorry husband!). So, maybe it's not that drastic of a change NOW but it was at first. It takes a while to figure out exactly how long you have, and how to manage your time more efficiently. Talk about business meetings! Every day our little Monster is up and ready to go around 7am so morning sex is a no-go. We both like every second of sleep we can get before starting our days. The Monster heads to bed between 830-930pm so we have to make sure we haven't had really exhausting days and that we don't watch shows that make us sleepy. This all sounds very easy but we work opposite schedules so every single night is a night when one of us just got home from a generally ridiculous day at work, and the person that didn't physically go to work that day was home with a 3 year old all day. I'd argue that that is worse than my outside-the-home job even on the best of days. So, now sex is an unspoken agreement made in the morning based on how my husband says goodbye to me. I won't go into details but there are signs. Those signs indicate that throughout that day I'm not going to exhaust myself but I am going to exhaust our son so that by 830pm he is out but Mom is not! he he he Day at the park while Mom relaxes on the bench? Heck yeah! Playing in the backyard all day while Mom reads a book on the porch? You better believe it! Glass of wine after putting the Monster to bed? HO-YEAH! Just because it's different doesn't mean it's bad. Our sex life is better than ever, we just have to be a whole heck of a lot more creative than before. But, hey, that can be the best part if you let it!
5. The best is yet to come. Before you have a kiddo you're pretty sure that things will only get better as you grow and learn together. After having our son my husband and I know that the very best of our years are ahead of us. It is yet to be decided whether this is because we will get to watch our wonderful and brilliant son learn and grow and become the adult he has so much potential for, or because we KNOW that someday that Monster will be leaving our house and we'll say "Adios!" to tantrums, school, homework, childhood and teenage drama, and slamming doors in our face. Either way, it is the best kind of comfort knowing that the best times of our lives aren't already behind us, knowing that the pinnacle and absolute very best of our lives is still waiting for us. We've had awe-inspiring, beautiful moments in our lives but because of our son, we know it is only good-times and happy-life from here.
I'm sure as our Monster grows and our relationship changes and reforms in fun new ways this list will grow and, now that I'm on the other side of the really scary stuff, I truly look forward to it. If I was going to give any sort of advice to a married couple with a new Monster it would be: Bend so you don't break. Your marriage is only one of so many things that will change once your little kiddo is here. The thing to remember is that your marriage changing due to baby is actually something you can take control of and decide how to respond to, which is not the case with many of the other changes. At times it is going to feel like things will never get back to normal and that you guys just aren't going to make it. That's okay and very normal. It's how you respond to these moments and the decisions you choose to move forward with that will decide if you'll be looking back on these times from a more bent but less fractured place. Enjoy you child. Enjoy your marriage. Laugh at as much as you can and let the rest become part of your new normal.
What have you noticed that's changed about your marriage? How did you deal with it? Are you expecting? What things do you fear may change?
Friday, June 13, 2014
For us who cannot
Dear Monster,
I have no idea what kind of world or what sort of beliefs people will be fighting over or pushing for when and if you decide to have a child. My hope for you is that you do your research, decide on an opinion, and stick with it...no matter what it is (please please please do your research!). My hope is also that once you pick your side, you take a moment to appreciate and try to understand or find something positive about all of the opposing options. As your parents, Dad and I have struggled to find our footing, let alone firmly place our feet, when it has come to many of the decisions that parents have to make on a daily basis. Binkies and when to take them away, do we even use a Toddler bed, what about sippie cups and when are we suppose to stop using them, how are time-outs going to work, and are we a CIO or spanking family? Whew. At the end of the day we have made about a million tiny decisions that may or may not effect you for the rest of your life (most likely not, but who freaking knows!). Each time your Dad and I have had to make a decision, we've talked to your pediatrician and done our research and made the decision that felt right for our family. We make these decisions without medical degrees or experience. We make these decisions, like billions of parents around the world do every day, with the hope that it is what's best but not knowing for sure. In the end, your Mom and Dad love you very much and we are, honestly, just doing our best every day to not completely wreck you as a human being. ;)
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Hello again readers! Today I am bringing you a topic that, under normal circumstances, wouldn't even sort of bother me a little. My circumstances, however, have been anything but normal and this topic is just about making me a crazy person (and, with having a toddler, I don't need any more help in that department). I am speaking, of course, about all of this breastfeeding nonsense. That's right, nonsense.
Stay with me here. I say nonsense because I am a firm believer that whatever you chose for your child, as long as it is not causing physical or emotional damage, is your own darn business. You have every right to believe in and do as you please as long as you have your child's best interest at heart and you are trying your best, which almost every single parent does and is. That's why this issue and how I feel about it is such a shock for my system. Let's explore...
This whole breastfeeding issue has been floating around the media for quite a while now. The first time that I felt the tingle of impending doom in the back of my brain was when people started petitioning Sesame Street to show women breastfeeding like they did back in the day. If this issue had popped up during any other time in my life I would have brushed it off as the "crazies being crazy" and just let it go.
But it didn't.
It popped up at a time in my life when I was feeling like a complete failure as a woman. It came up at a time when my child was living in an incubator in the NICU because my body just couldn't cut it. At a time when I was desperately trying to put my emotional self back together after one of the worst pregnancies on record (okay...not the worst, but it's gotta be top 10). It came at a time when I was getting up every two hours to desperately hook myself up to machine and wring out every last drop of vital breast milk from mybroken giant, cut up, sore, tired self so that my child could have the absolute best odds at surviving another day. It came at a time when I was eating peanut butter like it was my job because I was told that was the "go to food" for low-producing Moms like me. At a time when throwing back three giant fenugreek capsules three times a day because of some obscure idea that someone had posted on the internet was par for the course. When I was eating like a horse in a desperate attempt to get my calories up so that my production would go up. When I would look at pictures of my son on my phone while pumping at 3 am in a desperate attempt to feel the connection to my son that I wasn't aloud to have and that would somehow make it all seem worth it.
Around this time is when Moms started picking sides and becoming adamantly attached to their opinions regarding the breastfeeding issue. We started seeing righteous indignation from mothers who were given a sideways glance when they fed their children in public. We saw open disgust and signs put up in businesses regarding their opinion and policies on openly breastfeeding within their buildings. Parents ridiculously judging other parents when they would mix up their bottle of formula for their little one at the park. We now have the sudden realization and judgement toward extended breast feeders which has led to magazine covers and ads that put a bad taste in everyone's mouth (pun intended heh heh), including the people that posed for the darn magazine ads. We now have activist groups about the issue. We have celebrities putting in their two cents and all of their fanatics on top of that. We have women who are purposefully not covering themselves in public while feeding their child, just to get a reaction so that they can scream, "How dare you react to this beautiful process?". We have women throwing formula on breastfeeding mothers. We have chaos.
Why breastfeeding so suddenly became such a hot button issue, I have no idea. Parents have been breastfeeding in all sizes and shapes for so long that it predates our written history. It is an incredibly natural process and should be supported as such. There is no question that breast milk is the best milk. It's been proven. By science. We all get it. You are woman! Hear you roar!
I am writing today for us who cannot. I write for the Mom with mastitis, breast cancer, HIV, breast reduction surgery, anemia, heart conditions, premature children, emotional or mental illness being treated with medication, postpartum depression, or addictions they just can't beat. I write for the Moms who are made to feel guilty because they can't. For those that want nothing more than to feel that deep and wonderful connection that comes from your body helping your child survive and thrive. I write for the Moms who want to know what it feels like to be the sole provider of your child's nutrition and to watch them grow because of this amazing thing that your body was made to do. I write for the Moms who know the physical and emotional pain that comes the day after you decide you have to stop. The Moms that know the heartache of feeling a life line, a connection, a touchstone slip through their fingers and not be able to stop it. Nothing. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Helplessness, overwhelming disappointment, heartache, depression, sadness, inadequacy....guilt. All of this. Then something like this shows up in the news:
I have no idea what kind of world or what sort of beliefs people will be fighting over or pushing for when and if you decide to have a child. My hope for you is that you do your research, decide on an opinion, and stick with it...no matter what it is (please please please do your research!). My hope is also that once you pick your side, you take a moment to appreciate and try to understand or find something positive about all of the opposing options. As your parents, Dad and I have struggled to find our footing, let alone firmly place our feet, when it has come to many of the decisions that parents have to make on a daily basis. Binkies and when to take them away, do we even use a Toddler bed, what about sippie cups and when are we suppose to stop using them, how are time-outs going to work, and are we a CIO or spanking family? Whew. At the end of the day we have made about a million tiny decisions that may or may not effect you for the rest of your life (most likely not, but who freaking knows!). Each time your Dad and I have had to make a decision, we've talked to your pediatrician and done our research and made the decision that felt right for our family. We make these decisions without medical degrees or experience. We make these decisions, like billions of parents around the world do every day, with the hope that it is what's best but not knowing for sure. In the end, your Mom and Dad love you very much and we are, honestly, just doing our best every day to not completely wreck you as a human being. ;)
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Hello again readers! Today I am bringing you a topic that, under normal circumstances, wouldn't even sort of bother me a little. My circumstances, however, have been anything but normal and this topic is just about making me a crazy person (and, with having a toddler, I don't need any more help in that department). I am speaking, of course, about all of this breastfeeding nonsense. That's right, nonsense.
Stay with me here. I say nonsense because I am a firm believer that whatever you chose for your child, as long as it is not causing physical or emotional damage, is your own darn business. You have every right to believe in and do as you please as long as you have your child's best interest at heart and you are trying your best, which almost every single parent does and is. That's why this issue and how I feel about it is such a shock for my system. Let's explore...
This whole breastfeeding issue has been floating around the media for quite a while now. The first time that I felt the tingle of impending doom in the back of my brain was when people started petitioning Sesame Street to show women breastfeeding like they did back in the day. If this issue had popped up during any other time in my life I would have brushed it off as the "crazies being crazy" and just let it go.
But it didn't.
It popped up at a time in my life when I was feeling like a complete failure as a woman. It came up at a time when my child was living in an incubator in the NICU because my body just couldn't cut it. At a time when I was desperately trying to put my emotional self back together after one of the worst pregnancies on record (okay...not the worst, but it's gotta be top 10). It came at a time when I was getting up every two hours to desperately hook myself up to machine and wring out every last drop of vital breast milk from my
Around this time is when Moms started picking sides and becoming adamantly attached to their opinions regarding the breastfeeding issue. We started seeing righteous indignation from mothers who were given a sideways glance when they fed their children in public. We saw open disgust and signs put up in businesses regarding their opinion and policies on openly breastfeeding within their buildings. Parents ridiculously judging other parents when they would mix up their bottle of formula for their little one at the park. We now have the sudden realization and judgement toward extended breast feeders which has led to magazine covers and ads that put a bad taste in everyone's mouth (pun intended heh heh), including the people that posed for the darn magazine ads. We now have activist groups about the issue. We have celebrities putting in their two cents and all of their fanatics on top of that. We have women who are purposefully not covering themselves in public while feeding their child, just to get a reaction so that they can scream, "How dare you react to this beautiful process?". We have women throwing formula on breastfeeding mothers. We have chaos.
Why breastfeeding so suddenly became such a hot button issue, I have no idea. Parents have been breastfeeding in all sizes and shapes for so long that it predates our written history. It is an incredibly natural process and should be supported as such. There is no question that breast milk is the best milk. It's been proven. By science. We all get it. You are woman! Hear you roar!
I am writing today for us who cannot. I write for the Mom with mastitis, breast cancer, HIV, breast reduction surgery, anemia, heart conditions, premature children, emotional or mental illness being treated with medication, postpartum depression, or addictions they just can't beat. I write for the Moms who are made to feel guilty because they can't. For those that want nothing more than to feel that deep and wonderful connection that comes from your body helping your child survive and thrive. I write for the Moms who want to know what it feels like to be the sole provider of your child's nutrition and to watch them grow because of this amazing thing that your body was made to do. I write for the Moms who know the physical and emotional pain that comes the day after you decide you have to stop. The Moms that know the heartache of feeling a life line, a connection, a touchstone slip through their fingers and not be able to stop it. Nothing. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Helplessness, overwhelming disappointment, heartache, depression, sadness, inadequacy....guilt. All of this. Then something like this shows up in the news:
This is an ad that popped up all over Mexico City. It, basically, says "Don't give them your back, give them your breast." Or something close. No, this isn't in the US. No, it is not directed at mothers who can't breastfeed. No, it normally would not even bother me. But, yes, it does now. As a mother who simply could not breastfeed, this ad is a killer. I see it in the news, and I see it's message and it just rips a small hole in my heart. My son is almost 3 years old. He is happy, he is healthy, he is perfect. Breastfeeding isn't even something I'm doing or considering doing ever again. But I have been on the other side of this ad and it hurts. It kills. It brings back that deep dark place for us who cannot our could not.
Those of us you cannot or could not are often forgotten in this global issue. We are looked over, brushed aside, and thought of as a non-issue in this whole thing. The problem with that is that we are the ones that feel both sides of the argument so much more deeply than those who are actually involved. Our options, our opinions, and our plans were taken from us. Wanting to formula feed and having to formula feed are two very different beasts. We who cannot or could not truly know the wonder and honest benefits of formula but have the hurt of never experiencing the life altering miracle of breastfeeding which makes the hurt that much more. We have to sit on the sidelines and watch people fight, yell, judge, and tear each other apart over an issue that we would have liked to have even had a chance to consider having an opinion on.
My family got through it. We are on the other side and things are much greener in this pasture but I will never forget. I will never forget sitting on my bed, attached to a breast pump while my child was in an incubator, in a hospital, outside of my arms. I will never forget the feeling of despair and absolute devastation as my production trickled to nothing while I fought and clawed for every last drop. The looks on the nurses faces as I brought in less and less milk to the NICU. The tone the nurse used when she had to instruct me on how to mix formula. I found a home among formula feeding moms. Eventually I was able to see the sunnier side of things. After several months of research about how formula was helping my child in ways my body never could, I was able to smile and take comfort in our little tin of formula. Today, looking back, I am able to be grateful for the option of formula. So very grateful. But in the moment, that tin of formula was a complete and total embodiment of everything I wasn't and everything I couldn't do for my child. When you're in that place, ads like the one above have a tendency to make your blood boil and possibly have two glasses of wine before lunch.
After many many many many angry, self-righteous days and a lot of inner reflection, I am able to take away from this is a deeper and more intense understanding of what it truly means to be a parent. I'm able to see that it's all fun and games until life stops going how you expect it to. Until you find out that the books and movies may not have been 100% correct about the whole thing. The first hiccup is always a shock to the system, but after several hundred hiccups, I think I am finally figuring out that the looser I am, the easier I roll and recover. I leave you with the thought that not everything in parenting, let alone the world, is at is seems. There is always a different opinion to consider and a different situation to have compassion for. In the end, your journey may not be what you planned, but it's what you need, even if it kinda sucks sometimes. ;)
Is there anything in your life that just did not cooperate with your plans for yourself? How did you handle it? What lessons were you able to walk away with?
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