For us who cannot

Dear Monster,

      I have no idea what kind of world or what sort of beliefs people will be fighting over or pushing for when and if you decide to have a child. My hope for you is that you do your research, decide on an opinion, and stick with it...no matter what it is (please please please do your research!). My hope is also that once you pick your side, you take a moment to appreciate and try to understand or find something positive about all of the opposing options. As your parents, Dad and I have struggled to find our footing, let alone firmly place our feet, when it has come to many of the decisions that parents have to make on a daily basis. Binkies and when to take them away, do we even use a Toddler bed, what about sippie cups and when are we suppose to stop using them, how are time-outs going to work, and are we a CIO or spanking family? Whew. At the end of the day we have made about a million tiny decisions that may or may not effect you for the rest of your life (most likely not, but who freaking knows!). Each time your Dad and I have had to make a decision, we've talked to your pediatrician and done our research and made the decision that felt right for our family. We make these decisions without medical degrees or experience. We make these decisions, like billions of parents around the world do every day, with the hope that it is what's best but not knowing for sure. In the end, your Mom and Dad love you very much and we are, honestly, just doing our best every day to not completely wreck you as a human being. ;)
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Hello again readers! Today I am bringing you a topic that, under normal circumstances, wouldn't even sort of bother me a little. My circumstances, however, have been anything but normal and this topic is just about making me a crazy person (and, with having a toddler, I don't need any more help in that department). I am speaking, of course, about all of this breastfeeding nonsense. That's right, nonsense.

Stay with me here. I say nonsense because I am a firm believer that whatever you chose for your child, as long as it is not causing physical or emotional damage, is your own darn business. You have every right to believe in and do as you please as long as you have your child's best interest at heart and you are trying your best, which almost every single parent does and is. That's why this issue and how I feel about it is such a shock for my system. Let's explore...

This whole breastfeeding issue has been floating around the media for quite a while now. The first time that I felt the tingle of impending doom in the back of my brain was when people started petitioning Sesame Street to show women breastfeeding like they did back in the day. If this issue had popped up during any other time in my life I would have brushed it off as the "crazies being crazy" and just let it go.

But it didn't.

It popped up at a time in my life when I was feeling like a complete failure as a woman. It came up at a time when my child was living in an incubator in the NICU because my body just couldn't cut it. At a time when I was desperately trying to put my emotional self back together after one of the worst pregnancies on record (okay...not the worst, but it's gotta be top 10). It came at a time when I was getting up every two hours to desperately hook myself up to machine and wring out every last drop of vital breast milk from my broken giant, cut up, sore, tired self so that my child could have the absolute best odds at surviving another day. It came at a time when I was eating peanut butter like it was my job because I was told that was the "go to food" for low-producing Moms like me. At a time when throwing back three giant fenugreek capsules three times a day because of some obscure idea that someone had posted on the internet was par for the course. When I was eating like a horse in a desperate attempt to get my calories up so that my production would go up. When I would look at pictures of my son on my phone while pumping at 3 am in a desperate attempt to feel the connection to my son that I wasn't aloud to have and that would somehow make it all seem worth it.

Around this time is when Moms started picking sides and becoming adamantly attached to their opinions regarding the breastfeeding issue. We started seeing righteous indignation from mothers who were given a sideways glance when they fed their children in public. We saw open disgust and signs put up in businesses regarding their opinion and policies on openly breastfeeding within their buildings. Parents ridiculously judging other parents when they would mix up their bottle of formula for their little one at the park. We now have the sudden realization and judgement toward extended breast feeders which has led to magazine covers and ads that put a bad taste in everyone's mouth (pun intended heh heh), including the people that posed for the darn magazine ads. We now have activist groups about the issue. We have celebrities putting in their two cents and all of their fanatics on top of that. We have women who are purposefully not covering themselves in public while feeding their child, just to get a reaction so that they can scream, "How dare you react to this beautiful process?". We have women throwing formula on breastfeeding mothers. We have chaos.

Why breastfeeding so suddenly became such a hot button issue, I have no idea. Parents have been breastfeeding in all sizes and shapes for so long that it predates our written history. It is an incredibly natural process and should be supported as such. There is no question that breast milk is the best milk. It's been proven. By science. We all get it. You are woman! Hear you roar!

I am writing today for us who cannot. I write for the Mom with mastitis, breast cancer, HIV, breast reduction surgery, anemia, heart conditions, premature children, emotional or mental illness being treated with medication, postpartum depression, or addictions they just can't beat. I write for the Moms who are made to feel guilty because they can't. For those that want nothing more than to feel that deep and wonderful connection that comes from your body helping your child survive and thrive. I write for the Moms who want to know what it feels like to be the sole provider of your child's nutrition and to watch them grow because of this amazing thing that your body was made to do. I write for the Moms who know the physical and emotional pain that comes the day after you decide you have to stop. The Moms that know the heartache of feeling a life line, a connection, a touchstone slip through their fingers and not be able to stop it. Nothing. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Helplessness, overwhelming disappointment, heartache, depression, sadness, inadequacy....guilt. All of this. Then something like this shows up in the news:

This is an ad that popped up all over Mexico City. It, basically, says "Don't give them your back, give them your breast." Or something close. No, this isn't in the US. No, it is not directed at mothers who can't breastfeed. No, it normally would not even bother me. But, yes, it does now. As a mother who simply could not breastfeed, this ad is a killer. I see it in the news, and I see it's message and it just rips a small hole in my heart. My son is almost 3 years old. He is happy, he is healthy, he is perfect. Breastfeeding isn't even something I'm doing or considering doing ever again. But I have been on the other side of this ad and it hurts. It kills. It brings back that deep dark place for us who cannot our could not. 

Those of us you cannot or could not are often forgotten in this global issue. We are looked over, brushed aside, and thought of as a non-issue in this whole thing. The problem with that is that we are the ones that feel both sides of the argument so much more deeply than those who are actually involved. Our options, our opinions, and our plans were taken from us. Wanting to formula feed and having to formula feed are two very different beasts. We who cannot or could not truly know the wonder and honest benefits of formula but have the hurt of never experiencing the life altering miracle of breastfeeding which makes the hurt that much more. We have to sit on the sidelines and watch people fight, yell, judge, and tear each other apart over an issue that we would have liked to have even had a chance to consider having an opinion on. 

My family got through it. We are on the other side and things are much greener in this pasture but I will never forget. I will never forget sitting on my bed, attached to a breast pump while my child was in an incubator, in a hospital, outside of my arms. I will never forget the feeling of despair and absolute devastation as my production trickled to nothing while I fought and clawed for every last drop. The looks on the nurses faces as I brought in less and less milk to the NICU. The tone the nurse used when she had to instruct me on how to mix formula. I found a home among formula feeding moms. Eventually I was able to see the sunnier side of things. After several months of research about how formula was helping my child in ways my body never could, I was able to smile and take comfort in our little tin of formula. Today, looking back, I am able to be grateful for the option of formula. So very grateful. But in the moment, that tin of formula was a complete and total embodiment of everything I wasn't and everything I couldn't do for my child. When you're in that place, ads like the one above have a tendency to make your blood boil and possibly have two glasses of wine before lunch.

After many many many many angry, self-righteous days and a lot of inner reflection, I am able to take away from this is a deeper and more intense understanding of what it truly means to be a parent. I'm able to see that it's all fun and games until life stops going how you expect it to. Until you find out that the books and movies may not have been 100% correct about the whole thing. The first hiccup is always a shock to the system, but after several hundred hiccups, I think I am finally figuring out that the looser I am, the easier I roll and recover. I leave you with the thought that not everything in parenting, let alone the world, is at is seems. There is always a different opinion to consider and a different situation to have compassion for. In the end, your journey may not be what you planned, but it's what you need, even if it kinda sucks sometimes. ;)

Is there anything in your life that just did not cooperate with your plans for yourself? How did you handle it? What lessons were you able to walk away with?   

NIGHT OF PLEASURE by Delilah Marvelle

Dear Monster, 

Your Momma loooooves to read. I usually stick to romance novels which I'm sure is quite traumatizing for you to read about your Mother. However, I've been reading them since way before you graced us with your presence and I'll, most likely, read them until I drop. ;) I love reading your little books with you and going to the library and watching you explore and pick out your favorite books. I can't wait to see if you're going to be a big reader when you're older. Even better, I can't wait to see what your favorite genre is! You're such a smart little kiddo and reading can take you places you can't even imagine!

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Hello readers! I know it has been a while since my last blog but I have been desperately trying to get through a book that I was given an ARC for and asked to review. For those that aren't completely and utterly obsessed with books like myself, an ARC is an Advanced Reader Copy of a novel. Authors and publishers will send them out to avid readers and ask for them to review the book before it is released to give potential readers an idea of what they're getting into before buying it. It is a huge honor. One that is not to be taken lightly by any means. The author or publisher will send you a free copy of the novel, and ask that you post an honest review in as many places as possible (blogs, amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com, goodreads, etc.). 

Well, I was asked, for the the very first time, to read an ARC and write a review. HEAVEN!!! I literally jumped up and down and squealed like a little girl! Not only was I asked to review a book, but it was an historical romance novel! Say whaaaaa? Heck YES, was my obvious answer, and I immediately dove into reading the book I was given. Shortly after starting the book, I realized something was wrong (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!). So, without further ado, here is my review of my very first ARC novel, NIGHT OF PLEASURE by Delilah Marvelle:

Alrighty...So, I'm going to start this whole thing off by saying that I have never been asked to review an ARC of a book before, though I have been asked to review several books that had already been released and have reviewed several authors. Having never received an ARC, I was really looking forward to my first experience. Also, I have never read anything by this author before but I have had nothing but recommendations for her and all of her books have received amazing reviews so I went into this book very positive and very excited!

****CAUTION SPOILERS AHEAD****

Keeping in mind that the version I received was apparently unedited, I am going to skip over the myriad of grammar, tense, and punctuation errors and move right along to the dialogue. All I can say, without going on a rant, is that it was confusing, and often redundant. 

" 'Out of all the things you could have painted, why Rotten Row?'

Oh, how she loved surprising him. 'I always paint things for a reason, Derek. Always. Aren't you going to ask why I painted it?' " 

Uhhhh....Didn't he just do that? This book is riddled with lines like this and contains some of the most unrealistic dialogue I have ever had to sit through. 

" 'I wasn't even going to kiss you.'

He was such a liar. 'What were you going to do?'

He shrugged. 'I don't know."

Oh, he knew.

'I didn't mean to stand on your dress,' he casually added.

She set her chin. 'Thank you for apologizing for your indecent behavior.' "

I constantly found myself having to go back and reread entire sections of the book so that I could try to understand what was leading these rapid and unnatural twists and turns in the conversations. I believe the author may have been trying to portray her characters as having quick whits but it just comes off chaotic and messy. This may be something that is cleaned up in editing, so I will definitely be doing a reread when the book is truly released. Here's me crossing my fingers and hoping for a properly managed dialogue. 

Moving onto our hero and heroine. *sigh* Frustrating is the word that constantly came to mind. Understandably they are both ignorant in the ways of love and relationships but the roads they went down, the inferences they made about situations or actions, and the constant bickering and reactionary attitudes spoke of immaturity and dramatics. I just wanted to grab them, shake them, and scream "JUST LISTEN!". In most romances there are honest miscommunications, stumbles, and misspoken words but here they both say exactly what they are feeling and honestly try to communicate but the other person just chooses to not listen or chooses to play ignorant. It's infuriating! I swear the characters are bi-polar. Going from "You're terrible, I hate everything about you, and I'm never seeing you again" to "Oh, I sat in a chair and actually listened for 20 seconds and now I love you forever!". Keeping track of their rocky and all-over-the-map emotions was like herding kittens. It helped if I remembered that they were both new to these emotions and had never experienced anything like this but, man, it was aggravating at times.

Most of the Heroines story was just nonsensical. I can definitely understand her back story and the reasons for her struggles when it comes to Derek who is, to say the least, overwhelming for someone who has never been in a romantic relationship. If I REALLY stretch my mind I can sort of understand not wanting to be married after watching her parents destroy each other because of their passions. Especially when the only sort of affection Derek shows in the beginning is passion. I get that. But her constant internal battle and her sharp, cold spikes that she constantly throws in Derek's direction are confusing. I found myself cheering when Derek finally loses it and confronts her for her wishy-washy behavior. She is then surprised when Derek didn't know she loved him the whole time. Are you kidding? SOOO many women would have been ecstatic to have the man they were arranged to marry, actually be attractive, let alone be dedicated and wonderful to them at every opportunity until he was finally pushed too far. So he's a little passionate...women back then did not have a lot of options and would have adored Derek's dedication (bordering on obsession ;). 

The School of Gallantry sounds interesting, and Derek's interaction in the only class session we are shown is funny and awkward as I assume a class of this sort would be. I'm not going to go too much into the idea of the actual school as I have not read the first three books in this series and it is not my place to speak of yet. 

Now, don't get me wrong. There were some saving graces for this book. I loved Clementine's relationship with her Dad, as unhealthy was it was. He aloud her to be herself and grow and stretch her wings as she wished while she was with him (though this was mostly because he was drunk a lot). You were able to tell that he truly loved his daughter and wanted only good things for her. Her father is an honest man who is dedicated to his dear friend that passed. He could have married Clementine off to some rich Lord but he wanted to do right by his friend and it was very noble. 

The interactions between Derek and his father are sweet and emotionally devastating. 

"Derek paused and seeing the life-size portrait of his father on the wall, walked up to it and touched the bottom of the gilded frame. His eyes fell on that bright jolly face that grinned. 'Wish you were here,' he whispered, half-nodding."

Very sad and stirring. 

By the end I enjoyed Nasser, the Persian Prince. His interactions with Derek at the end are caring and funny. I actually smiled for the first time while reading the book during Derek and Nasser's first interactions. Clementine's loyalty to Nasser was noble and worthy of respect but she didn't have to be SO secretive about it. She could have explained a little more than she did to help Derek feel more comfortable and potentially avoid the entire situation but I guess she didn't understand that that was a possibility? Whatever. Clementine and Nasser's friendship is fun and one of true dedication and loyalty so you can't really discount them anything. At the very very end, we see a sweet and loving version of Derek and Clementine, and you get to see a small glimpse of what you had been hoping for throughout the entire book. I wish I had been given more than a mere 3-4 pages of this peaceful, kind, and loving couple but at least I actually got to see them! 

In the end, I'm giving it 2 stars. If a reread of the actual release of this book shows signs of improvement in the areas of grammar, tense, punctuation, and general build and execution of dialogue and character development, I may read more of Delilah Marvelle's books. If not, I'm very sad to say that I likely won't be visiting her worlds in the future. Having a husband that is a writer, I see how much work goes into writing a novel. The research, the dedication, the story building, the world development, the late nights, the exhaustion, and the absolute joy when they find that perfect word that makes for the perfect scene. Being a writer is not easy. There are some that find there niche and thrive, MANY of which I have had the honor of reading and truly enjoying. Unfortunately this author is just not one of them for me.

*I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Life After Toddler

Dear Monster,

             Though many things in my life are so much more wonderful now that you are here, there are a few things that you tend to make more complicated. Most of time it's pretty easy to laugh my way passed them and carry on but every once in a while they build up and Mom has a Mom-zilla day. Today would be one of those days. I love you, but if you could just sit down and play for about 5 minutes so that Mommy can accomplish a single task, that would be great. ;)
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Hello again, my lovely readers. I'm going to start by saying that I do understand that many of you may not be parents, and that is totally fine. For today's blog I ask that you imagine carrying around three six-month-old kittens all day. For every task. Every drive. Every meal. Imagine, if you will, how much longer certain things would take and how much more complicated some of the simplest tasks would be. So, now that we're all on the same page, lets review some of the major Toddler Stalling Points:

1. Getting ready to leave the house:

Before- Take a shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, grab your important items (cell phone, wallet, keys, etc.), maybe spray on some last minute cologne or perfume, and away you go. Simple. Easy. Takes all of about 30-40 minutes.

After- You don't get a shower. Nice try, but if you even turn the water on Toddler thinks it's time for him to take a bath and starts stripping and attempting to climb in the tub. You brush Toddler's and your teeth, keeping in mind that Toddler will be fighting the tooth brush the entire time, drooling all over himself, trying to help hold and direct the tooth brush, and attempting to spit like Mom or Dad, except they want to catch it in their hands. Time to get dressed. Getting yourself dressed it easy if you can distract Toddler for about 3 minutes (hope you didn't want to wear anything fancy or match any part of your outfit), but wrangling a child that knows that you are trying to dress them is a lesson in futility. Kicking before, during, and after getting pants on. Trying to stick their head in the arm holes of shirts then crying when they get stuck. Socks clearly belong on our hands and they are quite convinced that shoes are completely unnecessary. Onward to grabbing important items. What's on this list has completely changed. Important items now include diapers, wipes, snacks, waters, a change of clothes, at least one favorite toy, and something to distract Toddler later when said favorite toy is no longer doing the trick. Now, if you remember, you can grab your cell phone, and wallet....then get all the way out to the car before remembering that you may have locked your keys in the house. This whole process can take up to 2 hours.

2. Cleaning the house:

Before- Quick vacuum of the carpeted areas, once over the wood and/or tiled areas with the broom and Swiffer Wetjet, wipe down the counters, put some dishes away, clean the toilet and mirrors, and empty all the trash cans. This usually takes 1-2 hours and leaves you with the rest of the day to do as you please.

After- Toddler is afraid of the vacuum. Thus begins the game of musical chairs that involves making sure Toddler is in one of the rooms that you are not vacuuming. On the other end of the spectrum, if Toddler is not afraid of the vacuum he is all about "helping". This involves several minutes of him trying to reach the handle because he WILL NOT push using any other part of the vacuum. This inevitably ends with the vacuum crashing against chairs, couches, walls, and doors until Toddler gets frustrated aaaaaaand meltdown. Now we need to sweep and mop. Sweeping is pointless. Anytime you get a pile of dirt here comes Toddler to step in it and spread it all over the floor again. If you restrict Toddler from the sweeping area you get to deal with Toddler explaining to you what you are doing over and over and over and over and over from the edge of the room. This usually sounds something like "Mommy sweeping. Mommy sweep floor. Mommy broom. Sweep floor with broom. Mommy sweep with broom. Mommy sweeping. Mommy....mommy....mommy....mommy!!" Once this is done Toddler then begins telling you how he wants to help, then whining about how he wants to help, theeeeeeeeeeeeen meltdown. Repeat with mopping but you can't enjoy the simplicity of the Wetjet. Nope. Those messes that Toddler has been working on making on the floor need something more heavy duty so you might as well get the old school mop and bucket. Wiping down the counters has the potential to be a simple job if you can give Toddler something to wipe down as well. Unfortunately, Toddler will usually want to wipe down Daddy's very expensive TV, the dog that does not enjoy being wiped, or the bathroom with soap that he found and that is now all over the sink, mirror, toilet, and floor. Putting dishes away, emptying the trash, and cleaning the toilet and mirrors usually aren't too terrible if you can manage not step on Toddler, who is always right under foot. You will, however, spend most of the time explaining to Toddler that his help makes Mommy's job twice as hard and that, no, he doesn't need to stick his dirty toddler hands into the middle of it all. This process can, literally, take all day. Cancel everything on your schedule and enjoy the knowledge that you'll have to do it all over again in about 3 days.

3. Travel:

Before- Visiting friends and family or just taking some personal travel time is a pleasure and something to be planned for and looked forward to. You come back feeling well rested and rejuvenated. Rose colored glasses, on!

After- There is just no point. Other than family and friends getting the chance to see and enjoy Toddler, vacations are just a complete waste. Planning and prepping for them takes MONTHS. Execution is parental torture. When the "vacation" is finally over, you come out the other side more exhausted and run down than you were when you left. First of all, Toddler will not sleep. Vacation life is entirely too much fun and there is entirely too many new things to see and do. Nap times are non-existent, bed times are for chumps, meals on schedule are a joke, and epic emotional breakdowns are inevitable. In other words, all of the things that tend to keep Toddler regulated, calm, and happy in general, no longer exist his his life. For Mom and Dad, we are basically back to the newborn stage. The brief moments of peace and sanity are usually saved for family and friends while Mom and Dad get the chaos that ensues shortly after. It's easier if you just leave Toddler with family at home and take a quick weekend vacation. You'll come back with more energy for Toddler and life in general. If you absolutely HAVE to go on vacation, wait until Toddler is no longer a toddler and has some sort of rational mind that you can speak to while on vacation and everyone will be happier!

4. Shopping:

Before- Make a list, enter store, collect items on list, pay, head on home. The entire process takes an hour if you stretch it out.

After- Make a list. Or don't. Half the things you truly need are not on the list because you've already forgotten what you told yourself to remember 5 minutes ago (Thanks Mom-Brain!). Let Toddler nap and get in a good meal or snack before leaving. Go through routine of "Getting ready to leave the house" as listed in #1. Give Toddler another snack as it has been several hours now since we thought we were ready to go the first time. Get in the car after fighting with Toddler about why we HAVE to sit in the car seat and explaining over and over and over again that, yes, we ARE going and no you don't have to stay at home. Arrive at the store. Pick a cart. This is generally where the trouble begins. Does Toddler want to help push the cart or is Toddler okay sitting in the cart? If he's helping push, be ready for the slowest shopping experience of all time. Toddler does not understand that he has short legs. If he's okay with sitting in the cart, know that this will only be for a short time. Soon, sitting and staring at the items is just not gonna cut it. Toddler needs to touch, bite, explore, and tear at the things in the cart and on the shelves. Having a little toy or snack can help keep this to a minimum if you happen to be the luckiest parent of all time. This is where a list might have come in handy but no....no. You get to go up and down every. single. aisle. with hope that it will spark some kind of memory of something that you might need at home. This is how we end up spending $400 at Target when we really only needed about $40 in groceries. *sigh*At this point, Toddler has had just about enough. He wants to run and be free. If you've taken Toddler to the store enough times, he has caught on to the the fact that checking out means that he is close to freedom and he starts to get antsy. Standing in the seat, grabbing for whichever parent is closer, whining, and generally making a scene. If you make it through checkout without incident then you need to RUN. Quickly. Get to the car. Get home. Keep in mind that this is usually when Toddler decides that he, once again, wants to be helpful with putting the groceries away. This whole process can take several hours. Clear the schedule.

So there you have it. Life with a Toddler is generally hectic and there are some loooooooong days but you start with a tiny newborn and before you know it your days and nights are filled with the little wants and needs of a Toddler. I, honestly, don't remember a time before every moment of my life was filled with my crazy little son but as many frustrating and cringe-worthy moments as we have had, there are so many more wonderful moments that make up for it. Everyday.

We've had a lot of fun talking about how my little Monster stretches out my day and puts a damper on some situations but the moments when we are reading and he picks out words and colors, when he comes full on running across the park with a rock that he picked out specifically for Daddy, when he stops playing just so that he can come over and get a kiss and hug from Mom and Dad, and when he cuddles up with me when he isn't feeling well...these little moments make the long days completely disappear. Having a tornado of a toddler in my house makes for some intense times, both good and bad, but, as I'm sure you've heard over and over again from tons of people, it's totally worth it.

Do you have a toddler, or do you almost have a toddler? What's your favorite or most hated part so far? What are you dreading or really looking forward to?

Love Thy Nerd, Part 1

Dear Monster,

           Your Daddy is brilliant! It is important for you to know and understand this as you go through life with him teaching you all of the very important things that you will need to know as a man in this world and as a human being in general. You'll need to trust him when he is talking you through your first encounter with a jerk at school, explaining why your first heart break will someday heal, and giving you hard-earned advice on how to be a good husband. Your Daddy is brilliant. I have never doubted him when it came to the important moments we have had together, I have depended on him for most of the vital things in my life, and he has been my constant rock through some of the worst moments I have lived through. In fact, he is the only reason I made it through many of those moments. Again, your Daddy is brilliant...which is why you should listen to him when he tells you something is good.
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Hello readers! Sorry for the lapse in blogs but I was out with the worst stomach flu of all time (in case you haven't noticed, I tend toward the dramatic). My wonderful husband was nice enough to step in and do a movie review for me while I got back on my feet. I promise I will be up and functioning soon but until that time I give you my brilliant husband and one of his movie reviews. Let me tell you, there are a few things in this world the Sean may not be 100% at all the time but when he sees a good movie that rocks him to his core and he recommends it to you, you should probably see the darn movie. As was the case for SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL. If you don't like Superman, you don't like superhero movies, or if you just don't like this movie in particular, go ahead and read the review...you may want to take a second look. I have my own issues with this movie but my husband's conviction made me a believer! Without further ado, SUPERMAN: MAN OF STEEL (as reviewed by Sean H.F):

Man of Steel.

50% of the nerds in the world reading this just threw something through a window, and the other 50% will be lost for a bit in thoughts of sights and sounds unexpected.  Even within my circle of friends and family, who often agree on most things nerdy, there is division.  Myself, I find the film surprising, emotional, complex, beautiful, and many other words that could go on and on, but let me be a little more precise and break it down.  Maybe I can get through to some, and maybe others who may still dislike the movie might dislike it just a little less.

First, let us start where most things do, at the beginning.  Superman is born.  More to the point, Kal is born.  This is no pain-free, clap-your-hands-and-fairies-appear magical birth.  This is a sweaty, painful, screaming birth like billions of moms have gone through in mankind’s existence.  Mom is going through hell.  Dad is worried about his wife and son.  Monitors are tracking the health of both, but it is a constant fine line between happiness and horror.  Hand-held cameras track the faces and motions of everything in the room, placing you front row to what is happening.  This is how “Man of Steel” opens and it defines what this movie is.  Right away, I can see people not knowing what they are seeing.  We grew up with Richard Donner’s fantastic, I will repeat, fantastic first Superman movies.  Those deserve write-ups all their own, a couple of which I have already done myself, but in their shadow, a real, in-the-moment picture of Superman being born feels maybe awesome, but still weird at first.

As Kal sits crying in Jor-El’s hands, we then move outside and see a Krypton like never before.  Gone is the Crystal Hoth look and in it’s place is an old and beautiful planet full of worn but astounding technology.  It paints a picture of a place we would want to visit in a heartbeat if it was not about to explode.  Jor-El is the smartest man in the room as he tries to explain to politicians that politicians are stupid (universal and poetic, really) and the planet is doomed beyond repair.  For the first time in a motion medium, Krypton feels older than anything we can even consider to exist in a civilized state.

We have passed through step two of a different kind of Superman.  As Krypton falls, you are either in or out.  Lara El is clutching her son tight, knowing she will never see him again.  These parents are having to say goodbye to their only son forever and the audience feels it.  We may be looking at a different planet, but the emotions before us are real and human.

The second part of “Man of Steel” that makes the movie what it is but may have hit people unexpectedly is the non-linear storytelling used.  Other than the beginning and the final act, the rest of “Man of Steel” jumps around Superman’s life to some of the points that, in no better terms, made him Superman.  Each point touched upon shows some facet of why Superman is better than the rest of us, why he is the hero and leader that everyone should try to be.

A couple of these moments have been points of contention with a friend or two of mine.  They feel that the big reveals of Superman and his powers were not grand enough, but I believe that it is not the point in this movie to make such grand gestures as gestures can end up feeling empty and emotionless.  For my dollar, (because I would buy that for a dollar, screw you Robocop remake), the power moments in the movie that show what the Big Blue Boyscout can do are there to build character and not just to be big moments.  He saves workers on an oil rig because they are going to die without him.  He could have stayed on the crab boat and let them die but he did not.  He, being Superman and all, had to save their lives because his powers allowed him to and his morals pressed him to.  Later, or earlier, when he saves his classmates on a bus, he could have swam out, saved himself, and called it a freak accident that they all died and he survived, but he could not.  Again, his morals stepped in and their lives had to be spared.

In these moments, the script writes us along, getting to know Superman in a logical way.  We see him trying to do good and trying to connect to a humanity that he may never fit into.  We see him as a confused child one moment and then as a powerful but still confused adult a scene later.  There is connection, and it takes us beyond what a linear story could do.  Told in order, he would be a kid with a childhood full of love from his adoptive parents but terrible because of the amazing things his body can do that he has to learn to deal with.  Then he would be an adult trying to hide from everyone.  In the order presented, we connect more just like we do when we think of our own lives.  Every day, it is possible to have a smell or a song or a movie hit you in a perfect way that sends you back to some long-gone time with an ex-girlfriend, a passed relative, or just a great day with an old best friend.  What we see and experience through Superman is just like memories of our own lives.  It draws us in and connects us to this new Superman in a way that we have not seen before, but again, I think many were ill-prepared for the jumping around.

Third on my list would be the main characters themselves and how they exist in this new world, as well as the performances that bring them to life.

Starting with Zod, we see a man bred for one purpose: to lead Krypton’s military and ensure the survival of their people.  Everything he does is for this purpose, which would logically seem to mean a lack of depth, but Michael Shannon brings more to the screen.  He brings a respect for the brilliance and purpose of Superman’s dad and a desire to work together with Superman himself to bring Krypton back to life.  Superman choosing Earth over Krypton is impossible to Zod, so they are instantly at odds with each other.  He is a personality to be both feared and respected and all of that is on screen.

Amy Adams as Lois Lane is brilliant in every sense.  She pulls no punches, is just as plucky as she should be, and connects the dots like no other incarnation has before.  She’s beautiful, yes, and vulnerable to, you know, falling from high heights, but she really only falls and needs saving after kicking major ass.  I would find it difficult for anyone to hate this Lois.

Superman’s parents are all perfect, which I did not expect to the level achieved.  Ayelet Zurer, who apparently by name was actually born on Krypton, plays Lara El as the strong wife and mother that she deserves to be shown as, having given birth to Superman.  Russell Crowe plays Jor El with the power and wisdom that even Brando did not get the chance to show.  He is brilliant but able to kick ass at the exact same time.  Diane Lane is the loving and wise Earth-mom Martha Kent, and Kevin Costner is her husband Jonathan.  These last two are possibly the most important of the side characters and performances because they present the loving parent relationship and the fear of losing the son they love perfectly, to the point of tears in the viewer’s eyes.  Costner, whom I rarely like outside of westerns and baseball movies, has two of my favorite scenes in the entire movie and reminds me of my amazing step-dad.

Let us finally get to Superman.  Henry Cavill is tortured, though somehow less so than Brandon Routh, but he has life behind those eyes and, most importantly, a desire to help people.  He feels for the lives lost (more on this later) and wants humans to trust him.  He doesn’t take up the same physical space as, say, Wolverine and all his muscles, but that doesn’t have to be the point with Superman.  He is not strong because of muscle size, he is strong because of what our yellow sun does to his cells.  His body should look fit, and he does just fine with a little bulk to back it up, but he is not the biggest guy out there.  Still, when he walks through a fiery door or fights a duo of Kryptonians, you believe that he is strong and capable.  Personally, I do not feel it necessary for The Rock to play Superman, though I do wish he would leave some muscles for the rest of us.  Go ahead and watch the last couple Fast and Furious films.  The man is massive.

Characters out of the way, the big Kryptonian in the room is the fights that make up the third act of the movie.  Starting in Smallville, things start exploding very fast, but we will walk through what we see on screen and what I think it should mean to us beyond the shock.

In Clark’s hometown, he steps in just as things are getting rough with Ma Kent.  Being the good son that he is, no one is going to mess with his mom.  His temper is a little high and he has no idea what his powers are capable of in an unbridled fist fight, so destroying most of his small town is sad, but things happen.  He tries to fly away several times, but gets thrown back into the fight, usually quite literally.

In Metropolis, the Kryptonians start the fight again.  No question about that.  The destruction from the gravity machine is massive and terrible.  It is supposed to be.  When it comes down to it, the entire story of Superman being revealed is Close Encounters, First Contact, ET, it is Earth not being alone in the universe.  These aliens are supposed to be exposed as powerful and destructive to show what Superman could be.  If he wanted, he could wipe out anyone that disagrees with him and rule with glowing eyes and an iron fist.  But he does not.  He fights along side us and helps us.  He tries to stop Metropolis from being completely flattened.  The audience is supposed to be awestruck as buildings are smashed to the ground.  This is what the power of Krypton can do.

As Superman and humans fight to win the battle, Zod and Big Blue are finally left to finish what was started.  They are thrown through buildings, buildings collapse, destruction is terrible, but watch again and you’ll see most of the fighting happening in an already-evacuated city.  The buildings are mostly already beginning to fall from destruction out of Superman’s control.  Some of the fight happens in population, but minimal since most were already trying to get out and those seen are most likely coming out because they see the worst is over.  In the final scene with Zod, the people there appear to have been hiding and not expecting supers to crash through the ceiling.

More on the last Zod scene and the ramifications of all the destruction: I refuse to spoil everything, but I see it all as Superman learning hard and early the lessons that will make him a better hero.  In “Man of Steel,” not only is Superman learning his powers, he is learning to connect to a people he has never actually belonged to.  He does not share our weaknesses and fears and is far more powerful than he or anyone else really knows.  The entire third act is Superman learning what he can do and what he can feel.  He finds someone to connect with outside of his parents with Lois as he realizes that he does not want to see humans die by anyone’s hand.  She gives him a hope to connect with and shines a light in the darkness that maybe, just maybe, he could use his powers to help humanity, that Earth could learn to accept and trust him.  This will carry over, but at the same time I feel it is still contained.  This movie does not have the “to be continued” tag at the end because it does not need it, but the story here is built to carry Superman forward with the lessons he learned.

Those are the main points, but then there are the other touches that make “Man of Steel” a beautiful movie apart from performances and writing.  There are shots that mean more, like Clark sitting in the church talking to a priest with stained glass of the Garden of Gethsemane behind him (thank you Catholic school).  There are shots that kick unholy nerd ass, like Superman slowly descending in front of a load of army guys, tanks and all.  There is Zod’s announcement transmission, shot like a world-affecting horror movie.  There’s Hans Zimmer’s score that, though completely unlike John William’s best score in Richard Donner’s set of Supes, fits the action perfectly and translates emotion beautifully.  All this without mentioning the skill behind the handheld look of the film and the polish given to every shot to make Superman real.

This movie makes me emotional.  Every note is different than what we’ve seen, but every note, to me, is perfect.  Superman wants to be good but lacks connection.  When he finally finds that connection, I feel it in every part of me.  Earth has been invaded, but because of Superman, there is hope.  The last shot of Clark and Lois cuts to credits and I want to watch it again.  In fact, I have done that a couple times since it came out on bluray.  I would have watched it again today during my writing, but we just watched it yesterday and my wife doesn’t have the same nerd-repeat tolerance that I do (my record is watching the most recent “Rambo” three times in a row while my wife was at work).

If you watched “Man of Steel” once and did not quite feel it, I beg you to try again with a fresh set of eyes.  Greatness is there.  For my money, it’s up there with the superhero bests, and with those I mean, by name, “Superman,” “X-Men 2,” “Spider-Man 2,” “Watchmen,” “Avengers,” “Dark Knight.”  Give it another watch.  Maybe you will feel the same thing I feel.  Now I will go try to hold back the urge to watch it again.

His Village, Take 1 (Daddy)

Dear Monster,

          I have been home with you for five of the seven days a week for a couple of weeks now. Some things that I've noticed?
(1) You make about 15 different faces a day that make you look exactly like your Daddy.
(2) You are helpful, you share, and you love to make people laugh (honestly, I was always worried that I would raise a child that ended up being a jerk, so you are totally blowing Mom's mind with this).
(3) You now call out for Mommy first in the morning and after naps (brings a little tear to my eye each time as I use to be third or fourth on the list).
(4) You are ridiculously smart. I don't know where it's coming from but damn...you're going to have so many nerdy little girlfriends or boyfriends.
(5) You are very affectionate and emotional. You give kisses at least 20-30 times a day. You kiss the cat, the dog, the car, your water bottle, Mom, Dad, anyone that is around really. You love love and that makes me quite happy.
(6) You and I are gonna be just fine. I have been so worried over the last couple of years that there was something missing between us. Some connection that might have been lost because I was constantly told to not get excited about you while I was pregnant, or because I wasn't able to breastfeed like I wanted, or because you were in the NICU for so long. I have been stressing about this for so long I don't know even remember what it feels like to not worry about it. The last few weeks have saved my little heart. You and I click. Not like you and Daddy (you guys just get each other's weird), but we have our own language now and it is everything that I hoped for. Thank you, Little Son, for being so patient with me.
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Alright Readers! I'm starting a new section called "His Village". I named it thusly because of a proverb that I believe in to the very depth of my soul : "It takes a village to raise a child."

So, in this little section you will be meeting and hearing random blogs from Liam's Village. You have heard A LOT from me (thanks again for continuing to come visit), so I think, this time, I'll let you hear from Liam's Dad. My husband is pretty freaking fantastic. There just isn't enough time or space on this thing to explain the love, devotion, and all around awesomeness that is Sean. So, every once in a while, I'm gonna let him have some time on here, let you see a little somethin' somethin',  and y'all can cast your own votes.

Without further ado, the love of my love and Liam's amazing Dad, Sean! (OH! And Happy Valentine's Day! hehehe):

Girl Power

To get things started, we need to get some things straight.  Clear the air.  Get the gremlins out.  I never have, nor will I ever be anti-woman.  Females can do whatever the hell they want.  If they want to run giant companies and make millions of dollars, go get it.  If they want to strap a giant gun around their shoulders and go kill terrible people in the name of their country, have at it.  All things are awesome and possible.  That said, my wife has been a part-time working, stay-at-home home for a few weeks now, and it makes me happy.  So, let’s talk.

First, I would not make my wife stay at home no more than I would make her work.  It comes down to a family decision because we have to make sure everything will be taken care of financially, but if the money will be where it should be without her working and she wants to stay home with the boy, there is no reason for her not to.  If things were reversed in position, there wouldn't be a problem there either.  I would love the chance to stay home with my son and be Superdad all the time, my wife working hard out of the home, but right now that’s not how things sit with us, and I’m okay with that.

Currently, my wife is working on school to get her certification as a Veterinary Technician.  It’s a bit frustrating on one hand because before starting school, she would train new techs coming into her clinic that would make more money than her once the training period was over simply because they had a piece of paper stamped with “certified.” Knowledge is power except when certification or college is nonsensically required for the pay you deserve.  So, my wife is back in school and going gang busters.  It’s all very exciting, and her excellent pace is now in much thanks to only working a couple days a week.

Apart from school, working less has also, of course, lessened my wife’s stress in general.  This comes from two edges of the sword.  First, my son.  He is a wonderful little boy, but he can be a tough nut to crack for a lot of people.  For me, he’s just like me, so ever since he had a personality, I have understood him.  We’re like Elliot and ET.  Harry and Voldemort.  Picard and the Borg.  The last couple are a little arch-nemesis-y, but you get the idea.

A great example was quite recent.  I was playing the latest Devil May Cry in which there are things called lost souls to collect.  Of course these lost souls are top-torsos trapped in hard-to-reach places and secret rooms.  In surround sound, you can usually hear them before you see them.  I tracked one down, collected the tally on my level score, not saying a word, and kept walking.  Down another hallway, I heard another.  I rounded the corner, looked up, and there it was.  My son, sitting in my lap the whole time, looks up and says, “Daddy hear it?”  Yes, son.  Daddy heard it.  I hadn’t spoken to him about how I was finding the soul torsos, but he understood.  He heard it in my brain and then we talked about it.

Coming back to my wife and most other people, Liam is as weird as me and sometimes just as hard to understand as I am.  When my wonderful wife only had a couple days a week with him, they were often not fun.  She didn’t have a grasp on some of the intricate and slightly-insane feelings he would get.  When this happens with a toddler, anyone that’s played the game knows a toddler misunderstanding turns into a Braveheart-sized battle.  Someone is getting beheaded and no one is getting their freedom.  With several days with him every week, though, Mom and Monster have an understanding.  They have great days together almost every day.  She has had the time, stress free, to push through his quirks and find what makes him tick.  Just like spending the last many years with me, she knows that the boy and I are crazy but understands which tracks the crazy trains are going to follow.  For my part, I feel less stress as well.  Happy wife does indeed equal happy life, and if the wife and son are happy, the whole house is happy.

The second point of the happy wife comes from much more general things, but it makes the entire family less stressful.  In part, it comes from a stress-free husband.  Coming home to a house where there aren’t things left for me to do seems maybe unbalanced.  I do still do dishes and help with whatever is undone when I get home, but most things are already checked off the list when I get off work.  Mentally, this shifts everything around, but getting past the kick in the teeth of feeling like you don’t do anything, the flip-side is actually quite logical and comfortable.  My job feels more important because it gives us the bulk of the money for what the family needs.  What my wife does at home is elevated because it makes the entire family, for no simpler word, better.  Happy wife, happy son, happy husband.  To quote the Lego Movie (fantastic, by the way), “everything is awesome.”

Even my friends at work can see the difference.  I become excited to get home and work harder to do so as my wife informs me of dinner plans.  Cupcakes and cookies for my close co-workers are their own rewards and stem directly from my wife’s ability to chill her brain and enjoy some for-fun cooking just because she wants to.  Even on weeks like this where I will make a couple days of overtime because of longs days every day, my stress is instantly gone as soon as work is done.

I asked some friends about it all.  I worried that I had become one of THOSE guys.  Putting my woman in her place.  My wife is my property.  Barefoot and pregnant (physically impossible at this point, but I’ll keep trying).  All those things that I hate even being ideas in people’s heads.  My friend Vergo had a story that summed it up best.

In college, he had a good friend that was part of his drama department, Vergo being a theater major.  She was in drama for fun while schooling to be a lawyer.  Aced the exams, was hired by an amazing firm, top spot in said firm, name on the park bench, top to bottom the definition of girl power.  When she had her baby, she dropped it all and became a stay-at-home mom.  Many in their circle of friends shunned her, thinking that “the man” had won again and put “the woman” in her place.  She stepped up and stood up for herself with a couple big middle fingers and said that it was her choice to take on the hardest and most rewarding job of her life.  She took pride in every single minute she was able to give her family.  No one could take that away, and there was nothing anyone could do or say to prove to her that being a mom was a step down by any means.

As Vergo told me her story, I felt better, because it meant I was not alone in appreciating my wife.  To me, what she is doing for my family is amazing.  I never questioned it, but I never expected such epic results so quickly.  As the Monster moves into school and is no longer home all the time, her school will be finished and her career can slip right back into full focus, but right now, what she is doing is amazing.  I am elated to see her and my son getting along so well.  My stress is lessened by massive doses knowing that dinner, chores, and the first beer after work are already planned out.  It is all amazing.

With that, I raise this beer on my day off to my wife.  You have always amazed me, and now you’ve broken into all new levels of, “I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve this level of awesome but if I don’t mention it maybe it will keep happening.”  Thank you, my love.  I will try my damndest to make you as happy and content as you make me.

My New Favorite Thing, Take 1

Dear Monster,

      Before you came along, I was able to rest easy without worrying about leaking spouts, BPA, things being "Spill-Proof", how well things would travel with us, or how easy something was to clean. Oh, the joys of parenthood! You have been a struggle to find bottles, sippy cups, and regular cups for. You're so picky and stubborn. If you don't like something, I might as well just give up, because you know how to put up a darn good fight. So, your father and I have learned that if we find something that you like we need to buy it in every size, shape, and color. This has left us with a lot of things that you have used for a week and grown out of. Well, at least Arc knows us now. he he he. But after all the struggles, I think we found something that we can stick with for more than two weeks or so...FINALLY!
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Readers! Hello again! I absolutely HAD to write today. I have been debating back and forth about what I was going to write about for the last 3 days or so but I had a "light bulb" moment when my son hurled his drinking cup across the kitchen and, after some time-out time, I made my decision. So, I bring to you My New Favorite Thing:

Contigo!

I just can't say enough! I love love love love love this company! As you read above, my son is impossible to buy for when it comes to liquid dispensing. When he was using a bottle, we went through at least 5 brands of bottles before we found the right one. Then came sippy cups and God help us if we didn't have the Tommee Tippee ones because it was going to be a fight. So, now we are trying to move onto something a little bit more grown up for our little monster and we stumbled upon Contigo. 

My husband originally found a two pack of their 16oz AutoSeal Stainless Steel Travel Mugs at CostCo. I fell in love. I use it everyday that I can for my tea or coffee and it DOES NOT LEAK! I'm going to say this again, IT-DOES-NOT-LEAK!! I have kicked this thing out of my car (on accident of course....don't ask), knocked it over at work, and generally dropped it about a thousand times and not a drop was lost. *swoon* So, naturally, when we were looking for the next step in drinking apparel for our little monster we went to the same wonderful company. We were not disappointed. Check this little guy out! :

14oz. AutoSpout Kids Striker Water Bottle

This has been our life saver! We have three of them. One in blue and two in green (they also come in shades of purple and pink). My son adores the button and the AutoSpout! They are BPA free, the spout tucks under a nice cover when not being used, the lid automatically seals between sips so there are no leaks, and this bad boy comes with a lifetime guarantee! That lifetime guarantee has got to be one of my favorite features due to my son's never ending attempts to destroy this thing. Throwing, spinning, hitting the button again and again and again and again, munching on the mouth piece, and trying his hardest to get the thing to spill everywhere. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has been able to cause even the slightest leak or spill. It makes me want to cry. And of course, once I saw how amazing my son's were, I had to go get one for me and one for my husband (pink and grey of course). I fill mine at least three times a day, and the husband has been drinking water like a freaking camel thanks to his. 

So, now that I have screamed, jumped, and yelled like a fan girl, lets find out a little about this company shall we?

At the very heart of Contigo is an unending desire to make our lives easier, and if they can help the planet while they're doing it, why not? After watching every video and reading every single thing I can about Contigo I repeatedly hear about their drive for innovation, and quality. Their basic business plan is much like all the others: find a problem and solve it. If someone else has a solution, improve on the solution my making it healthier for the planet, easier for the consumer, and more affordable. With unique technological developments like AutoSeal, AutoSpout, and the Shake & Go Tumbler, who wouldn't be excited about this company? While in the housewares department you will want to look for the brand name Contigo, but if you're wandering around in the outdoor or sporting goods department you'll want to look for Avex. Same Mom, different Dads so to speak. 

So, what all do they offer? Let's see:

We'll start with Mugs! They have both Travel and Desk mugs. All lids and most mugs are top rack dishwasher safe. All of the mugs have vacuum insulation to keep cold drinks cold for up to 20 hours and keep hot drinks hot for up to 7 hours. Most have double walled stainless steel construction to limit condensation, which makes for less slipping out of the hands (thank goodness, cause I'm terrible about that). The mug that we have is capable of single-handed operation with the use of a button to open and close the spout. Luckily, the button toggles to lock so there is no accidental button pressing and spillage of precious coffee at 5:40 am. Take a look at the mugs, there is something for everyone!

Onward to Water Bottles! Okay, just a heads up, there are about a million different options for water bottles so you'll have to sort through to find what's best for your lifestyle. Luckily, on the homepage, there is this wonderful "Help me choose" button that, literally, walks you through finding the right mug or water bottle for you. I mean, could they make it any easier? I will say that all of the plastic water bottles are BPA free, dishwasher safe, have a wide mouth so you can add ice easily, and some even come with an clip for easier transport! A couple of the more unique water bottles have a built in compartment to hold a gym card, keys, or water additives. Some are even double lined for preservation of temperature. Go take a look!

Best of all, the mugs and water bottles are reasonably priced. Ranging from $6.50-$27 there is something for every budget. OH, and you'll love all of the colors! Something bright and wonderful or dark and brooding for every member of the family!

So, what do you think? Do you own any Contigo product? Do you think you will soon? Do you have an absolute favorite water bottle or travel mug company? Let me know! See you next time guys.