Wedded Family Wednesday

Dear Monster,

   You have the most amazing extended family! Your aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all love you so so much! I love that they are here to watch you grow and that they will be there for every single one of your big moments. You're a lucky little guy.
~~~
*Preface: I am going to use the pronouns "His" and "him" throughout this blog but please note that this information can be used on "his/him"s or "hers/her"s. :)

Hello readers! Today is all about the In-Laws. *insert scary dramatic music here* Just kidding, just kidding.  But it really is about the In-Laws. I'm sure all of you have heard the horror stories when it comes to all manner of In-Law. I can't even count the horror stories that I've heard. Some funny, some not so much. Most of the married or divorced women I know have at least one "horrible In-Law" story. Some still live it every day, some have resolved their issues, and others...well...there's a reason they're divorced.

Now readers, I will admit, I have had my fair share of In-Law issues. Oh boy, have I. I've screamed, cried, ignored, attacked, been passive-aggressive, been blunt. I've done it all. The good news is that somehow I made it to the other side. Yes, there is another side. While you're knee deep in confrontations and awkward moments it is hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel but it is there, if you work hard enough and have a hearty amount of patience.

About 3 years into the battle royale that was all of the issues between my In-Laws and I, I discovered the secret. Yes...there is one. The secret is as follows: When dealing with angry, belligerent, screaming, passive-aggressive, calm, "upset", "disappointed", judgmental, or just generally bad In-Laws you need to STOP. You need to stop yelling, emailing, texting, gossiping, back-talking, eye-rolling...Just STOP. Once you've stopped you need to REMEMBER. Remember that, before YOU, there was THEM. Before you were his #1, they were. They got to see first steps and first falls. They were there for first days of school and first fights with other students. They were there for the flu and for the birthday parties. They got to stand beside him when he felt he was "wronged" by his first boss, and they talked him through his first heart break. REMEMBER that, though you are now his whole world, at one point in time, you didn't even exist to this family. REMEMBER that, though you are now his heart walking around outside his body, his family remembers when his heart was safely in his chest and at no risk of being broken. They remember family camping, family vacations, family movie night, family dinners, family fights, and family hugs. They had this whole world that they were enjoying until YOU arrived. YOU are changing an ENTIRE family dynamic that, good or bad, has been in place for quite some time and that, good or bad, was probably "working" for everyone. After you have remembered all of that, it is time to LET IT GO. *Insert scratching record* I KNOW, I KNOW. There have been a lot of rude and hurtful comments, a lot of awkward moments, a LOT of anger. Things have not been great. But someone has to stop. Someone has to decide that enough is enough. Someone has to say, "You can do/say whatever you want, but I'm not going anywhere and I'm going to try to make everything work with everyone." Things can not go on like they have. It's just not healthy.

So:
1. Stop
2. Remember
3. Let it go

You are allowed to have some expectations. You are allowed to get upset if apologies aren't made in BOTH directions. You are aloud to expect some respect. But someone needs to start the process. Your significant other should, most definitely, be sticking up for you and attempting to engage his family in some sort of conversation. Steps need to be made in your defense! Because his family's defenses are on high alert they may be missing your good qualities, they be overlooking how happy you make him, they may be so absorbed in their fear and anger that they are probably missing some of your significant others' best moments. The best things you can do until everything starts to fall into a better place and forgiveness starts to set in are: be respectful, be kind, be understanding, and take A LOT of pictures. His family may one day be sad for all of the things they missed.

I believe that people deserve a wonderful relationship with their In-Laws. You should be able to look forward to giant family dinners and playing games before desert. You should be able to look forward to baby showers, birthdays, marriages, and family reunions. You shouldn't have to stress about every meeting with his family. You deserve a wonderful family life on both sides. But please remember that it takes work. Just like your marriage.

One last thing that you should always keep in the back of your mind when you are sitting in the bathroom pulling your hair out and taking those deep breathes so that you don't run into the dining room and start shouting like a maniac: They loved him first. You may love him to the very ends of the earth. You may be willing to die for him. You may give your ALL to his complete and utter happiness........................But they did it all first. You do it all now and I'm sure your significant other is an even more amazing and wonderful person for having you in their life, and you deserve some MAJOR props for that (*high five*). But remember that they had a pretty big part in making the person that you fell in love with. <3

Things are not always great for my In-Laws and I. We still have our moments of complete and utter disagreement. There are things on both sides that have been forgiven but may not ever be forgotten but we all know that we have my husband's absolute best interest at heart. I know his family makes him very happy and they know I make him very happy and, in the end, we push everything aside and let happy be happy. :) I am very lucky to have my additional brothers, sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Mother, and Fathers in my life. I am a stronger, more flexible, and more open person because of them all. It has been hard but the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter everyday.

That is all for me on this lovely Wednesday! I hope that you have or will have a wonderful relationship with your In-Laws but if not: Stop, Remember, Let it go. Bye for now readers!




A special side note: Some people just can't be reasoned with. If you have tried EVERYTHING, if you are at the end of your rope, if your In-Laws are just flat out crazy and nothing can be done: It's okay. At least you tried. :)