His Village, Take 1 (Daddy)

Dear Monster,

          I have been home with you for five of the seven days a week for a couple of weeks now. Some things that I've noticed?
(1) You make about 15 different faces a day that make you look exactly like your Daddy.
(2) You are helpful, you share, and you love to make people laugh (honestly, I was always worried that I would raise a child that ended up being a jerk, so you are totally blowing Mom's mind with this).
(3) You now call out for Mommy first in the morning and after naps (brings a little tear to my eye each time as I use to be third or fourth on the list).
(4) You are ridiculously smart. I don't know where it's coming from but damn...you're going to have so many nerdy little girlfriends or boyfriends.
(5) You are very affectionate and emotional. You give kisses at least 20-30 times a day. You kiss the cat, the dog, the car, your water bottle, Mom, Dad, anyone that is around really. You love love and that makes me quite happy.
(6) You and I are gonna be just fine. I have been so worried over the last couple of years that there was something missing between us. Some connection that might have been lost because I was constantly told to not get excited about you while I was pregnant, or because I wasn't able to breastfeed like I wanted, or because you were in the NICU for so long. I have been stressing about this for so long I don't know even remember what it feels like to not worry about it. The last few weeks have saved my little heart. You and I click. Not like you and Daddy (you guys just get each other's weird), but we have our own language now and it is everything that I hoped for. Thank you, Little Son, for being so patient with me.
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Alright Readers! I'm starting a new section called "His Village". I named it thusly because of a proverb that I believe in to the very depth of my soul : "It takes a village to raise a child."

So, in this little section you will be meeting and hearing random blogs from Liam's Village. You have heard A LOT from me (thanks again for continuing to come visit), so I think, this time, I'll let you hear from Liam's Dad. My husband is pretty freaking fantastic. There just isn't enough time or space on this thing to explain the love, devotion, and all around awesomeness that is Sean. So, every once in a while, I'm gonna let him have some time on here, let you see a little somethin' somethin',  and y'all can cast your own votes.

Without further ado, the love of my love and Liam's amazing Dad, Sean! (OH! And Happy Valentine's Day! hehehe):

Girl Power

To get things started, we need to get some things straight.  Clear the air.  Get the gremlins out.  I never have, nor will I ever be anti-woman.  Females can do whatever the hell they want.  If they want to run giant companies and make millions of dollars, go get it.  If they want to strap a giant gun around their shoulders and go kill terrible people in the name of their country, have at it.  All things are awesome and possible.  That said, my wife has been a part-time working, stay-at-home home for a few weeks now, and it makes me happy.  So, let’s talk.

First, I would not make my wife stay at home no more than I would make her work.  It comes down to a family decision because we have to make sure everything will be taken care of financially, but if the money will be where it should be without her working and she wants to stay home with the boy, there is no reason for her not to.  If things were reversed in position, there wouldn't be a problem there either.  I would love the chance to stay home with my son and be Superdad all the time, my wife working hard out of the home, but right now that’s not how things sit with us, and I’m okay with that.

Currently, my wife is working on school to get her certification as a Veterinary Technician.  It’s a bit frustrating on one hand because before starting school, she would train new techs coming into her clinic that would make more money than her once the training period was over simply because they had a piece of paper stamped with “certified.” Knowledge is power except when certification or college is nonsensically required for the pay you deserve.  So, my wife is back in school and going gang busters.  It’s all very exciting, and her excellent pace is now in much thanks to only working a couple days a week.

Apart from school, working less has also, of course, lessened my wife’s stress in general.  This comes from two edges of the sword.  First, my son.  He is a wonderful little boy, but he can be a tough nut to crack for a lot of people.  For me, he’s just like me, so ever since he had a personality, I have understood him.  We’re like Elliot and ET.  Harry and Voldemort.  Picard and the Borg.  The last couple are a little arch-nemesis-y, but you get the idea.

A great example was quite recent.  I was playing the latest Devil May Cry in which there are things called lost souls to collect.  Of course these lost souls are top-torsos trapped in hard-to-reach places and secret rooms.  In surround sound, you can usually hear them before you see them.  I tracked one down, collected the tally on my level score, not saying a word, and kept walking.  Down another hallway, I heard another.  I rounded the corner, looked up, and there it was.  My son, sitting in my lap the whole time, looks up and says, “Daddy hear it?”  Yes, son.  Daddy heard it.  I hadn’t spoken to him about how I was finding the soul torsos, but he understood.  He heard it in my brain and then we talked about it.

Coming back to my wife and most other people, Liam is as weird as me and sometimes just as hard to understand as I am.  When my wonderful wife only had a couple days a week with him, they were often not fun.  She didn’t have a grasp on some of the intricate and slightly-insane feelings he would get.  When this happens with a toddler, anyone that’s played the game knows a toddler misunderstanding turns into a Braveheart-sized battle.  Someone is getting beheaded and no one is getting their freedom.  With several days with him every week, though, Mom and Monster have an understanding.  They have great days together almost every day.  She has had the time, stress free, to push through his quirks and find what makes him tick.  Just like spending the last many years with me, she knows that the boy and I are crazy but understands which tracks the crazy trains are going to follow.  For my part, I feel less stress as well.  Happy wife does indeed equal happy life, and if the wife and son are happy, the whole house is happy.

The second point of the happy wife comes from much more general things, but it makes the entire family less stressful.  In part, it comes from a stress-free husband.  Coming home to a house where there aren’t things left for me to do seems maybe unbalanced.  I do still do dishes and help with whatever is undone when I get home, but most things are already checked off the list when I get off work.  Mentally, this shifts everything around, but getting past the kick in the teeth of feeling like you don’t do anything, the flip-side is actually quite logical and comfortable.  My job feels more important because it gives us the bulk of the money for what the family needs.  What my wife does at home is elevated because it makes the entire family, for no simpler word, better.  Happy wife, happy son, happy husband.  To quote the Lego Movie (fantastic, by the way), “everything is awesome.”

Even my friends at work can see the difference.  I become excited to get home and work harder to do so as my wife informs me of dinner plans.  Cupcakes and cookies for my close co-workers are their own rewards and stem directly from my wife’s ability to chill her brain and enjoy some for-fun cooking just because she wants to.  Even on weeks like this where I will make a couple days of overtime because of longs days every day, my stress is instantly gone as soon as work is done.

I asked some friends about it all.  I worried that I had become one of THOSE guys.  Putting my woman in her place.  My wife is my property.  Barefoot and pregnant (physically impossible at this point, but I’ll keep trying).  All those things that I hate even being ideas in people’s heads.  My friend Vergo had a story that summed it up best.

In college, he had a good friend that was part of his drama department, Vergo being a theater major.  She was in drama for fun while schooling to be a lawyer.  Aced the exams, was hired by an amazing firm, top spot in said firm, name on the park bench, top to bottom the definition of girl power.  When she had her baby, she dropped it all and became a stay-at-home mom.  Many in their circle of friends shunned her, thinking that “the man” had won again and put “the woman” in her place.  She stepped up and stood up for herself with a couple big middle fingers and said that it was her choice to take on the hardest and most rewarding job of her life.  She took pride in every single minute she was able to give her family.  No one could take that away, and there was nothing anyone could do or say to prove to her that being a mom was a step down by any means.

As Vergo told me her story, I felt better, because it meant I was not alone in appreciating my wife.  To me, what she is doing for my family is amazing.  I never questioned it, but I never expected such epic results so quickly.  As the Monster moves into school and is no longer home all the time, her school will be finished and her career can slip right back into full focus, but right now, what she is doing is amazing.  I am elated to see her and my son getting along so well.  My stress is lessened by massive doses knowing that dinner, chores, and the first beer after work are already planned out.  It is all amazing.

With that, I raise this beer on my day off to my wife.  You have always amazed me, and now you’ve broken into all new levels of, “I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve this level of awesome but if I don’t mention it maybe it will keep happening.”  Thank you, my love.  I will try my damndest to make you as happy and content as you make me.