Though many things in my life are so much more wonderful now that you are here, there are a few things that you tend to make more complicated. Most of time it's pretty easy to laugh my way passed them and carry on but every once in a while they build up and Mom has a Mom-zilla day. Today would be one of those days. I love you, but if you could just sit down and play for about 5 minutes so that Mommy can accomplish a single task, that would be great. ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello again, my lovely readers. I'm going to start by saying that I do understand that many of you may not be parents, and that is totally fine. For today's blog I ask that you imagine carrying around three six-month-old kittens all day. For every task. Every drive. Every meal. Imagine, if you will, how much longer certain things would take and how much more complicated some of the simplest tasks would be. So, now that we're all on the same page, lets review some of the major Toddler Stalling Points:
1. Getting ready to leave the house:
Before- Take a shower, brush your teeth and hair, get dressed, grab your important items (cell phone, wallet, keys, etc.), maybe spray on some last minute cologne or perfume, and away you go. Simple. Easy. Takes all of about 30-40 minutes.
After- You don't get a shower. Nice try, but if you even turn the water on Toddler thinks it's time for him to take a bath and starts stripping and attempting to climb in the tub. You brush Toddler's and your teeth, keeping in mind that Toddler will be fighting the tooth brush the entire time, drooling all over himself, trying to help hold and direct the tooth brush, and attempting to spit like Mom or Dad, except they want to catch it in their hands. Time to get dressed. Getting yourself dressed it easy if you can distract Toddler for about 3 minutes (hope you didn't want to wear anything fancy or match any part of your outfit), but wrangling a child that knows that you are trying to dress them is a lesson in futility. Kicking before, during, and after getting pants on. Trying to stick their head in the arm holes of shirts then crying when they get stuck. Socks clearly belong on our hands and they are quite convinced that shoes are completely unnecessary. Onward to grabbing important items. What's on this list has completely changed. Important items now include diapers, wipes, snacks, waters, a change of clothes, at least one favorite toy, and something to distract Toddler later when said favorite toy is no longer doing the trick. Now, if you remember, you can grab your cell phone, and wallet....then get all the way out to the car before remembering that you may have locked your keys in the house. This whole process can take up to 2 hours.
2. Cleaning the house:
Before- Quick vacuum of the carpeted areas, once over the wood and/or tiled areas with the broom and Swiffer Wetjet, wipe down the counters, put some dishes away, clean the toilet and mirrors, and empty all the trash cans. This usually takes 1-2 hours and leaves you with the rest of the day to do as you please.
After- Toddler is afraid of the vacuum. Thus begins the game of musical chairs that involves making sure Toddler is in one of the rooms that you are not vacuuming. On the other end of the spectrum, if Toddler is not afraid of the vacuum he is all about "helping". This involves several minutes of him trying to reach the handle because he WILL NOT push using any other part of the vacuum. This inevitably ends with the vacuum crashing against chairs, couches, walls, and doors until Toddler gets frustrated aaaaaaand meltdown. Now we need to sweep and mop. Sweeping is pointless. Anytime you get a pile of dirt here comes Toddler to step in it and spread it all over the floor again. If you restrict Toddler from the sweeping area you get to deal with Toddler explaining to you what you are doing over and over and over and over and over from the edge of the room. This usually sounds something like "Mommy sweeping. Mommy sweep floor. Mommy broom. Sweep floor with broom. Mommy sweep with broom. Mommy sweeping. Mommy....mommy....mommy....mommy!!" Once this is done Toddler then begins telling you how he wants to help, then whining about how he wants to help, theeeeeeeeeeeeen meltdown. Repeat with mopping but you can't enjoy the simplicity of the Wetjet. Nope. Those messes that Toddler has been working on making on the floor need something more heavy duty so you might as well get the old school mop and bucket. Wiping down the counters has the potential to be a simple job if you can give Toddler something to wipe down as well. Unfortunately, Toddler will usually want to wipe down Daddy's very expensive TV, the dog that does not enjoy being wiped, or the bathroom with soap that he found and that is now all over the sink, mirror, toilet, and floor. Putting dishes away, emptying the trash, and cleaning the toilet and mirrors usually aren't too terrible if you can manage not step on Toddler, who is always right under foot. You will, however, spend most of the time explaining to Toddler that his help makes Mommy's job twice as hard and that, no, he doesn't need to stick his dirty toddler hands into the middle of it all. This process can, literally, take all day. Cancel everything on your schedule and enjoy the knowledge that you'll have to do it all over again in about 3 days.
3. Travel:
Before- Visiting friends and family or just taking some personal travel time is a pleasure and something to be planned for and looked forward to. You come back feeling well rested and rejuvenated. Rose colored glasses, on!
After- There is just no point. Other than family and friends getting the chance to see and enjoy Toddler, vacations are just a complete waste. Planning and prepping for them takes MONTHS. Execution is parental torture. When the "vacation" is finally over, you come out the other side more exhausted and run down than you were when you left. First of all, Toddler will not sleep. Vacation life is entirely too much fun and there is entirely too many new things to see and do. Nap times are non-existent, bed times are for chumps, meals on schedule are a joke, and epic emotional breakdowns are inevitable. In other words, all of the things that tend to keep Toddler regulated, calm, and happy in general, no longer exist his his life. For Mom and Dad, we are basically back to the newborn stage. The brief moments of peace and sanity are usually saved for family and friends while Mom and Dad get the chaos that ensues shortly after. It's easier if you just leave Toddler with family at home and take a quick weekend vacation. You'll come back with more energy for Toddler and life in general. If you absolutely HAVE to go on vacation, wait until Toddler is no longer a toddler and has some sort of rational mind that you can speak to while on vacation and everyone will be happier!
4. Shopping:
Before- Make a list, enter store, collect items on list, pay, head on home. The entire process takes an hour if you stretch it out.
After- Make a list. Or don't. Half the things you truly need are not on the list because you've already forgotten what you told yourself to remember 5 minutes ago (Thanks Mom-Brain!). Let Toddler nap and get in a good meal or snack before leaving. Go through routine of "Getting ready to leave the house" as listed in #1. Give Toddler another snack as it has been several hours now since we thought we were ready to go the first time. Get in the car after fighting with Toddler about why we HAVE to sit in the car seat and explaining over and over and over again that, yes, we ARE going and no you don't have to stay at home. Arrive at the store. Pick a cart. This is generally where the trouble begins. Does Toddler want to help push the cart or is Toddler okay sitting in the cart? If he's helping push, be ready for the slowest shopping experience of all time. Toddler does not understand that he has short legs. If he's okay with sitting in the cart, know that this will only be for a short time. Soon, sitting and staring at the items is just not gonna cut it. Toddler needs to touch, bite, explore, and tear at the things in the cart and on the shelves. Having a little toy or snack can help keep this to a minimum if you happen to be the luckiest parent of all time. This is where a list might have come in handy but no....no. You get to go up and down every. single. aisle. with hope that it will spark some kind of memory of something that you might need at home. This is how we end up spending $400 at Target when we really only needed about $40 in groceries. *sigh*At this point, Toddler has had just about enough. He wants to run and be free. If you've taken Toddler to the store enough times, he has caught on to the the fact that checking out means that he is close to freedom and he starts to get antsy. Standing in the seat, grabbing for whichever parent is closer, whining, and generally making a scene. If you make it through checkout without incident then you need to RUN. Quickly. Get to the car. Get home. Keep in mind that this is usually when Toddler decides that he, once again, wants to be helpful with putting the groceries away. This whole process can take several hours. Clear the schedule.
So there you have it. Life with a Toddler is generally hectic and there are some loooooooong days but you start with a tiny newborn and before you know it your days and nights are filled with the little wants and needs of a Toddler. I, honestly, don't remember a time before every moment of my life was filled with my crazy little son but as many frustrating and cringe-worthy moments as we have had, there are so many more wonderful moments that make up for it. Everyday.
We've had a lot of fun talking about how my little Monster stretches out my day and puts a damper on some situations but the moments when we are reading and he picks out words and colors, when he comes full on running across the park with a rock that he picked out specifically for Daddy, when he stops playing just so that he can come over and get a kiss and hug from Mom and Dad, and when he cuddles up with me when he isn't feeling well...these little moments make the long days completely disappear. Having a tornado of a toddler in my house makes for some intense times, both good and bad, but, as I'm sure you've heard over and over again from tons of people, it's totally worth it.
Do you have a toddler, or do you almost have a toddler? What's your favorite or most hated part so far? What are you dreading or really looking forward to?
No comments:
Post a Comment