Building a Foundation to Start a Conversation

Dear Monster,

   Someday you will find someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. We hope we do our best to support and stand by you in this decision and when things get hard we hope to always be a place you can come for support and advice.
~~~

Hello, readers! Sorry for the absence. Our family schedule shifted a little and I had to work for Saturday and Sunday.

Anyway, a friend of mine at work was discussing relationships and marriage with me after work and it made me think of the things that Sean and I went through to make our relationship work. A large part of the work that we have done has had to do with finding our friendship again. We found that when things were really bad, we didn't feel like we were even friends anymore, which meant we couldn't make it through a simple conversation without arguing.  In the books, they say "go on a date night" or "have a long talk and reconnect". Well, I don't know about you, but when we were working on our relationship, I didn't want being friends with my husband to FEEL like work. For me, when things are tense and awkward, something as simple a "date night" can be work. Silly me, I wanted it to be fun and effortless and to just have things fall into place on their own. This, unfortunately, is just not how things work... but that doesn't mean reconnecting and putting the pieces of a relationship back together needs to be awkward and absolutely FULL of those awful "we need to talk" moments! I think that it's important to feel like you have a friend and a partner on the other side of the table when the big, scary conversations start to happen. I found that once the friendship was back in our relationship, the big conversations that NEEDED to happen actually weren't so scary anymore!! We could communicate with a respect and understanding that only comes when you consider someone a friend or at least with more regard than "that person with the opinion that I don't agree with". So, here are a few things that worked for Sean and I, were easy on the busy schedule of life, and seemed effortless while we were doing them but really helped us reconnect in the long run!

• Do something that one of you is really good at so that you can you can teach the other. Sean and I would play tennis at night! We would go to the local park and play for an hour or two. I am AWFUL at tennis, I don't know the rules, and I look like a fool when I'm trying to play, but it was really cool to learn from Sean. He would get so happy and excited and that made me happy. We would go home happy, exhausted, and feeling great about our relationship and ourselves.
• Watch something that you both think is hilarious. This is especially helpful if you know you're both going to laugh out loud. When both of you are happy and laughing, it's easier to just BE with each other. No tension, no awkwardness. Just two people enjoying a movie together with no expectations of deep, angry, or stressful conversations.
• Go for a walk. Even if it's just around the block and you don't plan to talk about anything. Just getting up and getting out together is good food for the soul. Enjoy the fresh air, leave the technology at home, and walk out the stress or frustration. DO THIS TOGETHER!
• Try something new for the both of you. This can be ANYTHING! Go to a restaurant that you frequent as a couple but try a dish or drink you've NEVER tried before. Randomly visit a town you both haven't been to before (even if it's just a suburb of your current city) and visit a new restaurant or movie theatre there. Watch a movie you've both been dying to see. Haven't ever been to that weird antique store up the street? Walk there together. When it's something that you're both trying to the first time, it puts you on an even plain. No one is ahead of anyone, no one is more educated on the topic than the other, it's simple and something you guys can bond over and joke and tell stories about later.
• Splurge on something together. Save up a little money and go buy something that you normally wouldn't because it's just not in the budget. Walking around the mall or a random store and deciding what you're going to spend the money on is a fun experience. Don't buy something that you NEED, buy something fun and dedicate yourself to doing so.
• Dig into the game closet! Play cards, put a puzzle together, or pull down one of those games that you got as a gift like 100 years ago that's still in it's wrapper. Play the game and have a fun prize for the winner (like not having to do the dishes for a week).
• Clean the house together. This one SO does not sound like fun but if you do it with the right attitude it actually can be! This is coming from the worst chore person in the world. I HATE cleaning the house but when Sean and I crank up the music, each take a couple of rooms, and promise to each have a part in creating a home made dinner that night, it actually goes quite well. The house starts to smell clean and the rooms, one by one, start to be more organized. I love that my life starts to feel a little bit more clean as my house gets more clean! Once the house is done, go grocery shopping for a fun new meal that you'll each cook a part of, buy a nice bottle of wine on the way home, and enjoy your simple evening together.
• Conversation cards. This one sounds a little cheesy but it's actually a great way to have a conversation that doesn't lead to an argument and that helps you guys bond as friends again. Take some scratch paper and divide it into 8-10 pieces of blank paper. Each of you will take 4-5 pieces of paper (make sure it's an even amount) and write a simple topic on them (examples would be "movies these days" or "high school experiences") then throw them in a hat. Take turns picking a topic from the hat and have a mini conversation about the topic. Share your opinions and ideas then move onto the next card. Sean and I kind of do this with our randomly meandering conversations and it's through these meandering and weird conversations that I have learned some of the coolest things about my husband.

So, there are some simple ideas to help you out on your quest to become friends again. Remember that these tips aren't intended to SOLVE any problems, they are simply tips to help reconnect as friends and build a sturdier foundation BEFORE you go into the heavy-duty business of truly solving whatever problems need some fixing. They are there to help make sure that as you begin down the road of "Fixing Some Problems in Our Relationship," you stopped at the train station and picked up your best friend to help you travel said road. ;)  A therapist may tell you that this is the wrong way to go about building a foundation, but, judging from my experiences, I would rather have a serious conversation with a friend and partner than someone that I am angry or frustrated with. The conversations are more respectful and a lot more gets accomplished in the end.

I hope these tips help! They can be used for any situation and any conversation that has just overwhelmed you as a couple and is starting to bleed into your everyday goings on. They can even be used if you have both been working all week and are just starting to feel a little distance is building up.

Good luck! Let me know how your fun times and conversations go! Let me know what works best for you to help reconnect. Or even let me know if you completely disagree with me and that you think I'm a loon! I look forward to all comments!

Happy Monday everyone!

Payday Friday #2

Dear Monster,

   If we thought it would be good for you, we would flood you with toys, clothes, and so very many unnecessary but fun things! However, we don't want you to become one of "those kids" (trust me, you'll know them when you see them) so you'll be getting what you need with some splurges here and there. You'll get a junker car on your 16th birthday, and you'll have to help us pay for college by working part time when you can. These are things that will make you roll your eyes and vow to never talk to us again, but you'll thank us when you have all of college paid off, you can afford your first home because you saved, and you truly appreciate the luxury of a nice car. We love you. We wouldn't do it otherwise.
~~~

Hello reader! It's PAYDAY FRIDAY! WOO! I'm sharing a product with you today that I just absolutely love. I can't get enough of these little guys and, if I could, I would fill my whole freaking house with them. I adore getting them as gifts and they are one of my favorite things to give to others or buy for myself! I speak, of course, of the Willow Tree products. These little figurines touch my heart and, as I was browsing through their catalog this morning, even bring a little tear to my eye. Here are some of the little figurines that are sprinkled throughout our home thanks to friends and family:

 

I cherish the little story that they tell about our family. The Willow Tree products are made with neutral and natural colors and occasionally have accents of metal. Because of the wood they are made of, they are incredibly easy to clean and because of their coloring they fit in with pretty much ANY decor! I know that whoever gets these precious figurines will love them. They show such beautiful and unique moments of time and feeling that you just have to admire and appreciate them.

 
Artist, Susan Lordi, hand carves each original Willow Tree sculpture. Using family and friends as models, Miss Lordi does her very best to capture a moment in time, or express a feeling. Her pieces are cast from her original carving, and then individually painted by hand! By HAND! I love this. It just puts so much more feeling and meaning behind the giving and receiving of these pieces! On the Willow Tree website Miss Lordi states she tries to keep the interpretation of Willow Tree open. She hopes this makes it more personal, and allows the viewer to decide its meaning.

Willow Tree was introduced in January 2000. The line has now grown to encompass the sentiments that we most want to express, but may just not have the words to. I feel that, thanks to all of the personal touches and emotional inspiration, the original inspiration for Willow Tree still holds true today: "Willow Tree is an intimate, personal line of figurative sculptures representing qualities and sentiments that help us feel close to others, heal wounds, or treasure relationships." As she continues to identify emotions that are so important for us to convey, and renders them in simple, pure gestures this company will have growing and thriving room.

According to Miss Lordi, the name Willow Tree was chosen to symbolize that which is gestural and beckoning. The figures are columnar in design, like a tree, and often carry natural objects or animals as metaphors for human virtues or qualities: rosemary for remembrance, a bird for healing, flowers for beauty.
The sculptures are rendered so as to suggest elegance, simplicity, peace and serenity. Forms reveal their expressions through body gestures only: a tilt of the head, placement of the hands, a turn of the body. Emotions are left to the viewer to discern, which makes them personal and powerful. Willow Tree is an understated line that speaks in a compelling way.

Thank you Miss Lordi, and thank you Willow Tree for bringing your simple, loving, and emotionally intimate gifts to us all! I look forward to your products blessing my home and the homes of my friends and family for many years to come!

I think that about wraps up this week's Payday Friday! What are some of your favorite gifts to give? Do you have a website that you ALWAYS check first? Let me know what you think of Willow Tree and send me in the direction of some of your favorite gifts!

Nerd Mom Confessions

Dear Monster,

   Your parents are nerds. It's better that you know and accept this now. Truly.
~~~

Good afternoon and Happy "I'm randomly home on a" Thursday! Usually, I'm at work on Thursdays so this is a rare and magical experience being home with Liam and the husband.  So, I'm going to do something a little different and do a little co-blogging with the hubby. If you recently read my husband's blog, you know that he did a blog called Nerd Dad Confessions. Well, after discussing it with my husband and taking some time to debate whether or not our family could handle us BOTH having confessions out in the open around the same time...we have decided that I needed to lay it all out there, just like he did. In the end, it will be better for our family.

Alright! *deep breath* Here...are my Nerd Mom Confessions:

• Mass Effect 3 - I am truly concerned about how the release of Mass Effect 3 will effect the health and welfare of my child. I am concerned that, while I am saving the galaxy, he will miss meals, naps, play time, and important bonding moments. What will I do?? The galaxy needs saving! ;)
• The Star Wars Saga - I need to just come clean about this. I don't know the order of the movies by their "shortcut" names. There...I said it. So, just keep in mind, when you start debating whether "Revenge" is better than "Return" or "Hope" or you start going on and on how awful "Phantom" and "Clones" are, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! Specific instances people! Full names of movies! Characters! Use your words!
• The Lord of the Rings - I never read the books, I don't know the different areas of the "world", I don't know anything about the characters, I couldn't tell you ANY of their history, I don't know why I'm supposed to be excited about The Hobbit movies, I still have to ask about a million questions as I'm watching the movies...but, damn it...I cry like a freaking BABY at the end of Return of the King. I don't care how many jokes float around about how many cut scenes there are, or how one person gives a "gay look" to another character (Clerks II, I forgive you. You are hilarious.), or how anyone else thinks THEY would have done it better. I don't care. I cry. I love the ending. I love it all. However, I can only watch these movies maybe once a year. The reason being, once I START watching the movies (and you have to start from the beginning) I can't STOP! And we have those ridiculous 100+ hour versions of the movies so it can take me DAYS to get through them. OH! And I don't know the "shortcut" names for these movies either.
• FPS, RPG - These are the only two abbreviations I care about. And my controller better be pink.
• XBox 360 vs. PS3 - PS3, because my husband would maim me and leave me in the street otherwise.
• Google - Yes, I know they're taking over the world. I just can't bring myself to care. Everything they do is just so damn awesome.
• BabyESP - I have an app that keeps track of my baby......................yep.
• Thanks to my husband's kick ass choice of "baby room music", my child will know guitar riffs, drum solos, and classical music climaxes better than I will. I'm okay with it.
•  I can't WAIT to know which instrument my child will march in Marching Band. I've actually considered basing our next home purchase on which local high school has the better band program. Arvada, you have a lot of problems but you also have freaking Pamona High School Marching Panthers. I mean, come on.
• Avatar - I don't care that it's rip off of Pocahontas or any other number of classic tales. I saw in theaters about 12 times. I don't regret a single viewing.
• Indiana Jones - I have yet to see all four movies in a row so I have no idea why everyone is so upset about the 4th one. I may want to do that soon. Like tomorrow.

 Alright. there they are. My confessions. I already feel better!

What are your confessions???

Wedded Wednesday

Dear Monster,

   If you remember only one thing throughout your life, have it be that your mother and father love each other so very very much. You're the physical representation of how much your father and I love each other and you were brought into a happy home. We tried for you for 2 years and the day we found out that you would be here we fell in love with you instantaneously. You are the only thing that we love more than each other. Never forget.
~~~

Happy Hump Day readers! So far you have learned a little about me, a little about Liam, and now I think it's time that you learn a little about the other man in my life. So, welcome to Wedded Wednesday!

Meet Sean:

80's Rock Ballad Style

I met my husband about 8 years ago while I was dating his younger brother (*sigh* No, I will not be beating this dead horse.). Sean was one of two "creepy" brothers that were know as the "basement dwellers". He'd come downstairs after work or school, while we were all hanging out, and pop his head into the room to say "Hey." (think Napolean Dynamite style here). He had super long platinum blond hair, a leather jacket, and High-Top Converse All-Stars. Super nerd. Super awesome. His room was the "Nerd Cave". You, seriously, felt like you were stepping into some kind of awesome 80's movie when you walked into his room.

The first time I kissed my husband was New Years Day 2005. I received a dry, hung over, sleepy kiss around 9am. It was one of the best moments of my entire life. After many weeks of laying around his apartment talking about nothing for hours and hours, watching every nerdy movie in his collection, playing Halo until I was blue in the face, and all around enjoying each others company, Sean "proposed" to me on Valentine's Day 2005 with a tiny ring in an Arby's parking lot (not to worry, he did much much better later). WHOA that was fast...but it never felt like it. From that point forward we were pretty much inseparable. Planning the wedding was not as much fun as everyone makes it out to be but on March 25, 2006 I married my very best friend.

Marriage has not always been fun. In fact, it was shocking to me how difficult it could be and how much of a train wreck it could turn into. Both of us have wronged each other and both of us work everyday to better ourselves and our relationship. If there is one bit of advice I would give to my readers it's that MARRIAGE IS WORK. Every year, every month, every week, every day, every hour, every minute, every second. IT IS WORK. It is not meant to be easy. It is not all sunshine and butterflies and rainbows and if you don't have a PARTNER, a TEAM MEMBER, and a FRIEND as a spouse that will stand by your side and work with you through it all, you should probably just give it up now. That all being said, I adore my husband. I adore my marriage. I wouldn't give it up for the world. Eventually the things that you have to work on in the beginning just become habit, then that habit becomes a sort of fun challenge. You find yourself thinking "What can I do different today to surprise him" or "What's his favorite food again? I bet he'd love that for dinner tonight!" And you find yourself thinking this way and doing these things because of the way he smiles or because of the way it makes him feel loved and cherished. My husband has taught me so very many things about myself, and life in general. He is the most patient, kind, freaking hilarious, and easily lovable men I have ever met and I can't imagine my past, my present, or any of my future moments without him.

I could list positive attributes all day long but lets look at some Sean Facts shall we?

My Husband In 20 Steps or Less

1) He had flat feet as a child and ended up needing reparative surgery at 12 years old. He remembers this as the single most painful time of his entire life.

2) Sean started growing his lovely platinum locks when he was 18 as a defiance...and it just kept happening.

3) His hair has not always been such a shocking shade of blond. He was originally a "Dirty Blond" until antibiotics and Marching Band happened.

4) Sean went to college for 4 years. He went from being on academic suspension to being on the Dean's List but he never graduated because he just kept taking classes that were fun (i.e. he took all English classes for most of his college career). He is one semester away from graduating as an English Major but life just keeps happening instead.

5) If he was given the option of an extravagant and different meal every day or the same sandwich, cottage cheese, Wheat Thins, and yogurt everyday, he would chose the latter.

6) He chose his last name because he wanted to honor both his biological father and his step father. He's quite excited about starting a whole new "Branch of People" on the family tree. 

7) He considers himself a Conservative Democrat. He loves his country, loves his troops, loves his freedoms, supports the death penalty, he believes immigration needs to be hunkered down on (though Arizona went a little far), then on the other side he supports gay rights, thinks marijuana should be legal, and can't help but shake his head at the conservative view of how taxes and the economy need to be regulated.

8) He is an Atheist. He believes that if you are a genuinely good person, you will live a good life and the people around you will be happy. He does not believe you should base who you are on God, Jesus Christ, or any other "Holy Being" because then it is not truly who you are, it is who you are being for someone else. But he would never, EVER judge you for believing differently. He is one of the very few people that I know that say this then actually follows through.

9) Sean has 6 brothers and 2 sisters. 

10) He hates Apple, and would give his life for Android. ;)

11) He will always chose Honda.

12) His favorite colors are red and purple.

13) His favorite movie is Hot Fuzz.

14) His favorite show is Arrested Development. (A moment of silence please)

15) His favorite song is "My Friend of Misery".

16) His favorite band is and always will be Metallica. I'm quite confident he would sell me on the street for a ticket to one of their shows.

17) His favorite superhero is Superman.

18) He is a brother who loves watching his siblings learn and thrive during the giant and scary milestones in their lives. 

 

19) He is a son that learned the hardest but most necessary lessons in life from his fathers.

20) He is a father who simply strives to make his son smile.

20+1) He is a husband who enjoys doing the simple and stupid things with his wife.

So...that is my husband in 20 steps or less! Tell me all about your significant other in 20 steps or less (or more hehehe), post a picture if you'd like, and have a fantastic Hump Day everyone!

Tempting Tuesday #2

Dear Monster,

   I attempted to read to you today. You loved it! you just stared at me while I read to you and before I knew it, you were asleep! Heaven.
~~

Good afternoon readers! And what a fantastic day for a Tempting Tuesday! As I sit here writing, I look outside and it's SNOWING! Yes, yes, yes! I adore the snow and it just puts me in such a fantastic mood. I just finished up a book by an author (that I may very well do a blog about on a later date) that has quickly become a favorite of mine  in her genre. That genre being the always lovely and swoon worthy, Historical Romance. I took a moment to sit and think about all of the things that make her one of my favorites and I keep coming back to the fact that her writing style is almost identical to another of my Top 10s, Julia Quinn. I have such a soft spot for her writing and anytime I see that she has come out with something new I, quite literally, jump in may car and RACE to the book store...or just sit at home and buy it on my Kindle. Mostly, I sit at home and buy it on my Kindle...but, man, do I race to that Kindle. (hehehe)

So, without further ado, I introduce to you one of the Titans of the Historical Romance genre:

JULIA QUINN

Julia Quinn, true name Julie Pottinger, was raised primarily in New England, although she spent much of her time in California.  Even as a small child she just absolutely devoured books. Her father, like most fathers of teenage daughters, disagreed with her choices of reading material. Sweet Valley High books were just not what he thought a young lady should be reading. Being a very rational man, he told her she could only keep reading the books if she could prove that they were good for her. Mrs Pottinger then blurted out that she was studying them in order to write a novel herself. Challenged to prove that she would stand behind her quite made up reasoning, Mrs Pottinger sat down at their family computer and wrote her first two chapters. Three years later, after she finished her novel, she submitted it to Sweet Dreams Publishing Co., but was rejected.

Moving forward with her life, Mrs Pottinger graduated from Harvard with a degree in Art History. During her senior year of college, she did what most college seniors do and panicked, realizing that she had no idea what she wanted to do with her degree. After contemplating several different career paths she decided to attend medical school. However, while attempting to occupy her down time and relax a little during the long days of studying in under-grad, Mrs Pottinger began writing light-hearted Regency romance novels. A few weeks after she was accepted to medical school, she discovered that her first two novels, Splendid and Dancing At Midnight, had been sold at auction, an unusual occurrence for an untrained, first-time romance novelist. She postponed medical school for two years while she decided if writing was truly something she could be satisfied with and successful at. By the time Mrs Potinger entered Yale Medical School three more of her books had been published and after only a few short months of studying medicine, and constantly daydreaming in the fashion of Historical Romance, she realized that she preferred writing novels to taking notes. She left medical school and devoted herself full-time to her writing, and thank goodness for that!

A feminist at heart, Mrs. Pottinger gives her heroines feminist qualities that are famously not necessarily true to the times that her novels are set in. Uniquely humorous, with witty, entrancing dialogue, primarily character-driven and usually involving large families (each member with their own book, of course) or a large group of people who have decided to function as a family unit, her novels are a wonderful oddity in the Historical Romance genre. You will find a lack of the "bigger picture" drama (we're not chasing down kings and killing dragons here people), which is quite nice at times. I find that I read during more stressful times in my life and the last thing I want out of one of my reading choices is a whole other world of drama to deal with. Many of her novels deal with great internal struggles. She is noted for dealing with more realistic problems like stutters, class-struggles, and lost loves. One of her novels, When He was Wicked, is noted for being unusual for a romance novel, as the first four chapters actually describe the heroine in a happy marriage with someone who is not the hero. The novel then shows the death of the original husband and then goes onto dealing with the grief of both the heroine and hero before allowing the second love story to come to light. As a self-proclaimed aficionado of romance novels (mainly because I just can't get enough of the heros *wink wink*), I find that the story lines and situations she puts her characters into are quite unique for the genre. This may be one of the reasons that I adore her so very much!

Most of her books are dedicated to her husband, Paul Pottinger, often with references to amusing alternate titles for the book. These dedications sometimes have me, quite literally, laughing out loud, which tends to set the mood for the entire novel. Due to her unique writing style, loveable and honest characters, and the overall feeling you get from her novels, she won the Romance Writers of America's RITA Award in 2007 for On the Way to the Wedding and in 2008 for The Secret Diaries of Miss Miranda Cheever. In 2003, she enjoyed the honor of being profiled in Time Magazine, an accomplishment few romance writers have ever achieved. In 2005 Publisher's Weekly gave To Sir Phillip, With Love a rare starred review, and later named it one of the "six best mass market original novels of the year." Nine of her novels have appeared on the New York Times Bestsellers List, one of which was number one in October 2008, a rarity for a romance novel. Finally, and most deservedly, in 2010 Mrs. Pottinger was inducted into the Romance Writers of America Hall of Fame.

All of that being said, Julia Quinn is an author I absolutely could not put down. She is most noted for her Bridgertons Series, a personal favorite of mine. Julia Quinn is one of the authors that I credit for helping me fall in love with Historical Romance. When I use to think of the genre all I could think of was freaking Scarlett O'Hara and her burning house, and whether or not someone "gave a damn" about her. I was pleasantly surprised to find an amazing sense of humor and a sense of coming home when reading Julia Quinn's novels. So, if you're a green horn when it comes to historical romance or you're just sick of all of the Scarlett O'Haras out there, Julia Quinn is the woman for you. Visit her website and give it a go. You won't regret it.

Happy Tempting Tuesday everyone! Let me know all about your favorite genre/author/character/book and update me if you decide to give the lovely and talented Julia Quinn a try.

Monster Monday

Dear Monster,

   Today is all about you my tiny love!
~~~

Hello again readers! Sorry for the absence. My Mom came into town and let my husband and I have a couple of date nights! Fantastic!

 Yes...I know...It's January and we still have our tree up hehehe

 A more casual evening. :)

Anyway! Today, as I'm sure you saw above, is all about my Monster! As you've been reading my blog I'm sure you've noticed that I start each blog with a short little note to him. My goal is that one day, when I'm no longer around, he will be able to look back at this blog and learn a little about me and his Dad and a little about himself.

Allow me to introduce you to my Monster:

Liam Curtis is my son. He is named after his Grandfather, whose name is William. He got his middle name, Curtis, from his Daddy! He has a shock of red hair on his head and the biggest and most expressive blue eyes I have ever seen! The strawberry on the back of his head looks like a face with a giant smile, which is perfect because when Liam smiles it goes all the way to his eyes and you just can't help but melt. He has giant feet that rarely fit into footy pajamas and each time he wraps his long  fingers around my finger it just overwhelms me. Due to genetics he may or may not have flat feet but, one thing is for sure, this kid is gonna be tall and skinny! As of today, he is exactly 5 months old. Each time I tell someone his age I have to qualify it by saying his adjusted age as well. So, Liam is 5 months old *mumbles* 2 1/2 months adjusted. The reason I have to mumble this qualifier is because Liam was born 2 1/2 months early. He was delivered, via emergency c-section, at 30 weeks and 2 days gestation. He was born weighing 2lbs 7oz and he was 15 1/4" in length. If you need a little perspective of how small he was, here are a couple of pictures:

 That is my husband's size 9 wedding ring.

His hand couldn't even completely cover my husband's fingernail.

Liam spent 7 weeks in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). If you have ever wondered why we call Liam "Monster" it is because of his time in the NICU. It is very common for preemies to grunt, squeak, growl, hum, and make "monster" sounds. One of the NICU nurses told us that when it is really quiet at night, and they have a lot of babies in their wing, it sounds like a jungle because of the noises coming from all of the babies. During this time he was on and off different levels of oxygen, he was on several different medications, he was tested for one thing or another every single day, and he was gradually moved from an IV to an NG (nasogastric) tube to a bottle for eating. When he left the NICU he was around 5lbs, still on oxygen and several other medications, and still had pretty severe acid reflux.

For the first month of his time at home he could not sleep on his back. He could only sleep if he was being held or if he was in his car seat. This was the most exhausting time of our entire lives. We would run for 24-48hrs at a time with no more than 2-3 hours of sleep between shifts. As you probably read on Payday Friday, we bought his swing and bouncer and we were all saved! Huzzah! We were finally able to sleep and Liam could finally sleep comfortably so that he could grow and mature.

Liam has been home since October 18th. Everyday he does something new and exciting and everyday is a learning experience for us as parents. 

 The first time he held his head up!

 Grabbing toys!

 Figuring out this whole smiling thing.

 Bringing a toy to his mouth and keeping it there.

Sitting in his Bumbo seat!

Liam is now almost 11lbs! He's teething like it's his job, "talking" constantly, he eats around 5oz at each meal, he "sleeps through the night" (I put this in quotes for a reason...one which I will explain in a later blog), he is finally starting to recognize and remember my husband's and my faces, and is generally a very happy baby! I could not be more proud of our tiny Monster. He has been such a trooper from day one and I just know he has an amazing future ahead of him.

“May you always walk in sunshine. 

May you never want for more. 

May Irish angels rest their wings,

right beside your door.”

 

Payday Friday

Dear Monster,

   As you grow older, one of the major lessons that your Dad and I will be focusing on is finances. It is going to need to be your Dad that does most of the teaching because I am just AWFUL with money. I am excited to be learning and getting better, but it is something I have to work on everyday! One of my favorite things that Bug did for me, and something I'm planning on doing for you, is teaching you about money through play money. I would do little chores around the house that would earn me nickels, dimes, and quarters at a time and at the end of two weeks I could trade them all in for real money. I had so much fun, and I hope it will be fun for you too. Hopefully, I will be a lot better with money when it is time for you to start learning but if not, we will learn and grow together just like every other day!
~~

Good afternoon readers!! It's my favorite day: PAYDAY FRIDAY!

Having a baby has changed a lot for us as far as finances. As the witticism goes: We usually have more month at the end of our money. Occasionally, on Payday Friday, we go through everything and find that we have some extra money and we get to splurge a little. Usually, it goes to much needed things for our baby boy (though sometimes it goes to pizza night at home ;)! With this segment I will be reviewing and recommending some of my favorite products. Most of these products will be things for baby that I have found that I just cannot live without.

Today's Payday Friday Best Buy is: Our Bright Starts InGenuity™ Cradle & Sway Swing™ and InGenuity™ Automatic Bouncer™

When Liam first came home he had horrible acid reflux. We could not lay him flat at all so he either had to be held or he slept in his car seat. My husband or I had to be awake with him constantly! My amazing Mom came to help when she could and she would leave completely exhausted! This was not a pleasant time for us as a family. We were all exhausted and running on 2-3hrs of sleep at a time. Well, on one of our very rare outings my husband and I went to Target and we saw this swing and bouncer combination on sale! It was like a freaking miracle! We bought them right then and there and have been praising their name ever since. Liam would sit in these things and instantly fall asleep! We had to get creative but we were absolutely desperate for sleep at this point so, we would scoot the bouncer right next to us and fall asleep on the couch or have him on the floor, right next to the bed, while we got some sleep. These two products saved our sanity, and aloud us to get some sleep so that we had more energy for each other, Liam, and work. We love them, and we hope you will too!

The swing has:

• TrueSpeed™ technology that maintains 6 swing speeds even as baby grows - We usually keep it at the third speed.
• Whisper Quiet™ operation for peaceful swinging - You, literally, can't hear this thing unless you're listening for it! The most sound it makes is a gentle, low, "wooshing" sound as the magnets engage then release. Sean was just grateful that we didn't have to crank the thing to get it to swing lol
• Battery Savings – more than 2X the battery life of comparable swings - We use this product everyday and we replace batteries, maybe, once a month....maybe.
• Head rest and cushioned bolster system for ultimate comfort - We still use it for Liam, but we'll probably need to take it out soon.
• Comfort Recline™ seat with 2 positions to suit baby’s need - Liam loves swinging front to back.
• Easy-to-remove tray – It can lift up, left, right, or can be removed completely.
• Pivoting Toy Mobile - It swings out of the way for easy access to baby. It's so so so easy! And it changes positions as the chair swivels so, no matter which position your baby decides to rest in, they can see the mobile. 
• Swing timer with 3 settings: 30, 45, and 60 minutes - Liam is usually completely asleep by 15 minutes. 
• Soft, plush toys on tray and on mobile - The toys on the tray are some of the very first ones that Liam ever gripped and played with!
• 10 Melodies and Nature Sounds to soothe baby - We love the nature sounds!
• Machine washable seat pad and head rest - So easy to clean!
• 5 point safety Harness keeps baby secure - We haven't had to use this yet because Liam is still so small, but it looks very comfy!

The bouncer has:

• Automatic Bounce that mimics mom's natural motion - There is a regular bounce setting and a gentle bounce setting. We usually use the gentle bounce, while Liam's tummy is settling. :)
• 3 point safety harness to keep baby secure - We use this every time he is in the bouncer. We even use it to prop him up on his side by buckling only one side of the harness and letting him sort of lounge in it. He loves this!
• 10 melodies and nature sounds to soothe baby - Again, big fans of the nature sounds!
• Removable toy bar - Liam loves staring at the little animals on the mobile and it shifts back and forth for easy access to baby! 
• Machine washable seat pad, bolster, and head rest.
• Integrated, cushioned foot rest and bolster for baby's comfort - SO soft!
• Hybridrive™ Technology extends battery life so batteries last more than 2X longer
• Non-slip feet

So, next time is is Payday Friday and you've got a little extra money to spend on your little one, check these two products out! You won't regret it!

Happy Payday Friday!

Wordless Wednesday

Dear Monster,
   I think it's important that you understand quiet time as you grow. Quiet time is something you will need your entire life. Whether it's to slow down and recharge or kick it into high gear and power up, silence is something that you will need to learn to appreciate. There use to be a lot of "quiet moments" in my life. I would read, or spend some time snuggled up on the couch with your Dad, call a friend, watch a movie, play a game, browse the internet, or just enjoy the quiet. Since you have joined us there are very few quiet moments. This is okay though. I actually enjoy the little sounds you make, and the words I get to say to you. I love that every moment of my life feels full and complete now...even if they're not so quiet anymore. ;)
~~~
Hello again my, now faithful, readers!!
Now that I've drawn you in, I'm going to flip it on you! HaHa! I am issuing my first challenge!
I'm challenging all of my readers to be silent for 3 hours today. Now, there are no restrictions on how to break up or clump the time. There is no limit to what you can do during your silent time. You just need to be completely silent then come back and tell me how you broke up your time and what you chose to do with it. It can be chaos or calm, it just needs to involve you being silent.
Did you have an epiphany? Did you have some silent reflection time? Were you lazy? Did you go for a run? Did you watch a movie? Play a game with family? Stare at a wall? Did you do it in one giant chunk? Did you break it into 20 little bits of silence?
I have absolutely no idea where I am going to fit in 3 hours of complete silence into my life today. I guess that is part of the experience...and why it's called a challenge!
Enjoy your quiet time and I can't wait to hear about all of your days!

***UPDATE***

Good evening readers! It's check in time for Silent Wednesday! How did you spend your quiet time? How did you clump it or break it up?

For me my silent time was spent in hour long chunks.
10-11: Making faces as Liam and watching his reactions. Developmental play with Liam, mainly involving changes in music. Surprise from this hour: Liam is more relaxed when listening to heavy metal than when he is listening to classical music.

12-1: Cleaning the house, while listening to Kelly Clarkson. I haven't listened to her consistently since Sean and I went through our "dark period" (will go over this in a later blog) so her music has always brought up rough feelings for me. I listened to her while cleaning so that I could just scrub through my feelings and work toward enjoying her music again!

2-3: Talking to Moms on CafeMom and doing research for my next blog.

The main reason that I posted this blog was because I read somewhere when I was young that what you do during your Intentional Silence defines who you are and helps you know what you truly need in your life to make you more happy!

That being said, I hope your quiet hours were happy ones. Thanks for following through and telling me all about your experiences! Happy Hump Day everyone!

Support for a Formula Feeding Mommy!

Dear Monster,

  As I'm writing this blog it is my goal that you have the full story on everything that happened in your life. So, for your information, you are a FORMULA FED BABY! You are happy, you are healthy, your doctors and nurses have all loved you, you've had only one diaper rash, your reflux (from being born prematurely- we'll discuss this in a later blog) is getting much better, and you are developing normally. You love to eat! You're a little grumpy about it right now because you're teething, but you smile and chatter at us while you eat. Formula feeding is the very best choice for you my baby boy. We wouldn't do it otherwise.
~~

Good afternoon readers! Remember that whole agreement we had in the first blog I posted? Remember how I said that my opinion was MY opinion and I would love it if you shared said opinion but if you don't, it's completely fine too? Well, I'm gonna be testing the strength of our agreement today. So, thank you in advance for reading with an open-mind and discussing your opinions with me!

Due to my son being in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for almost 2 months, I had an incredibly difficult time providing breast milk for him. I pumped, I "power pumped", I changed my diet, I took supplements, I rested until I just couldn't take it anymore, I did all of the "relaxation techniques" that I could possibly find...I made the most valiant of efforts. What I found was that, without having my son to physically breastfeed, my body shut down on me. Lucky for us, I had pumped enough to provide breast milk for him during the most vital and early times of his life.

So, needless to say, Liam is now a formula fed child. He has to have Similac NeoSure formula (of course this is the most expensive formula ever!) and he goes through a can every 3 days or so. We know that the speed that he goes through formula will only increase and we are prepared for that, though it will be tough at times. Cost has been a struggle throughout. Another struggle we have had to work through was my guilt. I have no reason to feel guilty, none at all. But I went through a sort of mourning process when I realized that I would not be able to breastfeed my son. I HATED my pump (not the actual pump, as it was provided for us by our amazing friends Jonathan and Tiffany. It was, truly, an amazing pump!). I glared at it, mumbled obscenities under my breath at it, and longed for the days that I would no longer need to use it. But my hope was that I wouldn't need to use it because I would be feeding my son the way nature dictated I should, the way I had originally planned. Well, that is just not how it turned out. Over time, and with the support of my amazing husband, family, and friends I was able to come to terms with the fact that I would need to bottle feed Liam. This was not an easy thing to come to terms with and if you are struggling with it, please please please see your doctor or at least talk to someone!

Now that I am on the other side of things I am looking back, and I'm angry. I'm upset because there is little to no support for formula feeding Mommies. In fact, political and cultural rhetoric would have you believe that you are less of a mother, that you are selfish in your choice to formula feed, and that you are damaging your child in so very many unseen ways by giving them formula vs breast milk. As a formula feeding mother, it is important to remember that the most important thing you can do for your baby is love and nurture them. That includes feeding them in the way that you are comfortable with and the way that you and your pediatrician see as the best for you, your family, and your child. I think that it's important that some people are reminded that promoting breastfeeding as being best is fine, but disparaging mothers who bottle feed is not!

SO! Here are some super positive things about formula/bottle feeding the little monster in your life:

* In many situations it is important for some mother's to know exactly how much their baby is receiving at each feeding. Formula/Bottle feeding allows for exact measurements of calories, vitamins and minerals which allows proper tracking for growth via intake.

*Foods, medications, or physical condition in the mother are no longer a concern. If you're trying to get a little healthier and are looking into a diet, if you are formula feeding, you can start as early as 6 weeks post-pregnancy. Also, formula feeding allows for a wider range of options when it comes to birth control, anti-depressant and other medications, and foods in general.

*The entire family becomes intimately involved in all aspects of the baby's care. This is one bullet point that I have personal experience with. I adore that my husband is getting to create such an amazing bond with Liam through their feeding times. Liam loves eye contact while he is eating and I just cannot get enough of watching Liam, and Sean just stare at each other and communicate in that Father/Son way. I'm looking forward to friends, and family being able to see that special side of Liam as they are able to feed him as well!

*Mother gets more rest. This is one of my favorites! While I was pumping I was stressed to the max. I was running on fumes, and constantly on the edge of exhaustion. This is not healthy, does NOT help with production, and promotes a stressful household. In our case, I truly struggled mentally and physically during this time. Now that I can get more rest, I have more energy for Liam, my marriage, my friends, my family, and my work.

*Better mental health all around. As mothers we sometimes forget that we are not the only people going through this difficult time. The more stressed we get, the more stressed everyone gets. This is just not healthy for anyone. Formula feeding, I believe, has had a very positive impact on my marriage and my relationships with the people around me.

*You will need to feed less often as formula is less readily digested by baby. Because it isn't from the body, like breast milk, it takes longer for the body to process formula. This is not a BAD thing, it is just different from breastfeeding. I find that Liam can go 4 hours between feedings instead of the only 3 hours he could go with breast milk. This makes nap time, cleaning, and husband time much easier to obtain! Again, a restful, non-stressful house is a happy house!

*Specificity of formulas now. I love Liam's Similac NeoSure. I am 100% positive that my body could not, in any way, make something as healthy and nutritious for our son as his formula. There are formulas for every need a child can come up with. Anemia, Colic, Allergies, Sensitive Stomach, the list goes on and on. Can you imagine trying to breastfeed a child that was intolerant of the proteins in milk?? Fun Fact: Iron-fortified infant formulas have actually been credited for the declining incidence of anemia in infants. (!!)

*Bottles that work with baby. Studies have shown that some infants are completely intolerant of the position they need to be in to breastfeed. This is another area where formula/bottle feeding steps in to save the day! With bottle feeding you can find a position and angle that help your little one be content while eating, which is so much more important to healthy growth than we give credit to. Liam had terrible gas pain caused by using straight bottles that wouldn't vent properly. A very good friend of mine over at The Land of Lou introduced me to the idea of the Playtex VentAire System and it saved us! The fact that there are so very many products out there for Formula/Bottle feeding Mommies makes the transition that much easier for your little one.

*"Comfort" in public. Though I personally have no issue with breast feeding in public (as long as you are tasteful about it), many mothers are made to feel uncomfortable about it. This is WRONG but it is,
unfortunately, happening. Bottle feeding helps some mothers feel more comfortable while out in public places.

*And last but, most definitely, not least....Lovemaking! Sex can sometimes be difficult for the breastfeeding woman because the hormonal changes associated with lactation leaves you a little, shall we say, dry. In addition, breastfeeding can lead to sore nipples and leaky breasts, which are not conducive to lovemaking. A bottle feeding Momma should not have these problems. You also have the added benefit of being able to choose the contraception of your choice (as mentioned above). A breastfeeding mother cannot take the oral pill as its hormones will be passed on to baby through her breast milk, whereas a formula feeding Momma can protect herself with the pill if she chooses.

So, now they we're feeling a little better about Formula/Bottle feeding, let's talk about a couple of myths!

Myths:

*Bottle feeding makes it harder to bond with a baby.
FALSE! Babies have an instinctive desire to bond with their parents. Spending time together is what encourages bonding.

*Formula X can make my baby smarter.
FALSE! There is no research that suggests formula provides any advantages OR disadvantages when compared to breast milk in improving intelligence.

*Low-iron formula reduces constipation.
FALSE! Your baby needs iron to build red blood cells, so low-iron formula should be avoided unless prescribed by a doctor. It's the added digestion time for formula that causes gas and constipation, but these things can easily be managed.

*Mothers who bottle feed are inadequate.
FALSE! There are a host of reasons why a mother may need to bottle feed. Some babies simply cannot take breast milk, and some mothers simply cannot provide milk for physical or medical reasons. In these cases, bottle feeding is the best choice.

While I was struggling with Formula Feeding I had little to no resources that helped me through it. So, I went online and found a couple jumping off points for you! Here are a couple of sites that I have found that have helped me:

*http://www.bottle-feeding-baby.com/
*http://www.cafemom.com/group/1287 (<~ This is a forum group on an amazing site called CafeMom)
*https://similac.com/

My goal with this post is to boost up Mommies who are making the tough choice to Formula/Bottle Feed, and to help people that haven't had to make this difficult choice understand that there truly are positives when it comes too Formula/Bottle feeding. I hope I've been able to do that!

Have an excellent rest of your Wednesday, and I hope your silent moments are going well!

Tempting Tuesday

Dear Monster,

   Every once in a while you sleep. It's true. It happens. During those times I usually clean the house, clean your bottles and make more formula, feed and take care of the animals, or scarf down some food. Before you joined our little lives, though, if I had a free moment, I would read. I would sit down with a giant cup of coffee and read my morning away...which would lead to me reading my afternoon away...then reading my night away. If I wasn't working or hanging out with your Dad I could be found in a book.

  I can't wait to sit down and read a book with you! I wonder what your favorite genre will be, what characters you'll connect with, and if you'll be as passionate about the written word as your father and I am. I hope we can give you a healthy respect for the art form that is a novel. 
~~~

Hey look! You're back! :waves like a fool:

Well, as I am sure you read above, I am a passionate reader. This passion for reading generally circles around one genre: romance! I can honestly say that romance novels were a huge part of bringing my marriage back off of a dangerous cliff. Before educating myself IN romance THROUGH romance, I had NO idea how love communicated with intimacy or how to express how I was feeling in any sort of romantic way. Needless to say, things are much better now and I have the amazing authors and their brilliant characters to thank for that. A very unconventional way to solve a problem but it is what it is and I am grateful.

It all started when I was reading the Twilight series (a young-adult romance) and a friend recommended a new author to me (this author being from the ADULT romance genre) and I was lost after that. I tend to not be a fan of the Harlequin-type, wind-swept, desperate-for-any-man type of romance. I need a strong heroine, an understanding and moral hero, a believable situation, and a little bit of humor. That being said, I LOVE Paranormal Romance! *swoon* Yes, yes, this genre gets a little sketchy on the whole "believable situation" thing but if you let yourself be absorbed into the genre, you can definitely tell the difference between an author who is writing PNR just hoping that some of that Twilight-induced  hysteria will rub off on them, and someone who is writing PNR because they truly have their own world and characters in mind. I have read A LOT of PNR.........A. LOT. I have read the very best and some of the very worst and everything in between. I generally prefer to read a series of books as it helps me get really involved in the world that the author has created. "Stand Alones" just don't rock my world.

What I am attempting to try with Tempting Tuesday is to introduce my very intelligent and lovely readers to the genre of books called "Romance". Each week I will attempt to recommend a favorite author, a favorite book, a favorite character, or a favorite sub-genre of Romance.

I will start this hopeful beginning with one of my all time favorite authors. She is a PNR goddess. If you've read any sort of PNR you've likely read one of her books. I speak, of course, of The Warden herself:

J.R. Ward

Writing since she was a child, she is most known for her Black Dagger Brotherhood series and her newer Fallen Angels series. Using her double major in History and Art History (concentrating on medieval era) and her law degree from Albany Law School, she writes educated, confident, and sarcastically sexy characters. Her novels have made me laugh out loud, burst into tears, and sigh with relief when her characters finally receive their Happily Ever Afters. Loved by her fans and critics for writing honest, love-filled relationships and characters she brings characters out of impossible situations and has them come together at the very last second and in the most heart-warming and perfect ways. Having earned herself a RITA award from the Romance Writers of America,  she is an absolute favorite and a MUST READ in this genre.

If you would like to start reading her books, she has a website that walks you through her series, and stand alones. Each book has a summary, all books are listed in reading order, and she lists upcoming novels. Please note that these are ADULT romance novels with some explicit content.

Let me know if you give them a try, if you've already read them, or if you hate romance novels! I'd love to hear it all!

Happy Tempting Tuesday Everyone!

Welcome!

Dear Monster,

   I have decided to start a blog. There are so many reasons for me doing so but the main one is YOU! Someday, you are going to look at me trying to "jam" to one of your "awesome" songs and you're going to roll your eyes and say something along the lines of "Mooooommmm...you're SO embarrassing!". Well, I think it's important that you know 2 things:

1) I was AWESOME at one point.
2) There are reasons why I am no longer awesome.

Please be patient with me. Please be understanding of me. Please read this and try your hardest to think of me as a real person and not just your Mom.

I love you.

Here goes...
~~~

Hello potential readers! Tonight I took a good, long look at my life and decided that I wanted to put some of it on paper, share it with people, and potentially make someone's life a tiny bit easier or a little bit calmer.

So, there are some things you'll need to agree to before we start this blogger/blog reader relationship:

1) I talk...a lot.
2) My grammar is not always correct. I will attempt to have my very literate husband read through my blogs before I post them but that may not always happen and there may be times when you need to be a little patient with me.
3) My opinions are MY opinions and they may not always be yours. This is okay. In fact, it's encouraged! Please feel free to give me your opinion and we can get into one of those "lively debates" I always hear so much about!
4) I may use some "adult language". This generally only happens when I get VERY excited or, let's say, emotionally involved with something. I will try to keep it to a minimum if you try to be understanding about it.
5) You're amazing. You're beautiful/handsome. You're smart. You deserve the very best from your life.

Please comment in some way (good, bad, sarcastic, whatever moves you) if you agree. Even if you say, "I don't agree," I will take it as you agreeing.

:::raises glass of champagne::: Here's to a wonderful new relationship. Thank you for your time, your patience, your understanding, and your opinion. They are all welcomed and cherished.