I'm going to admit that on several occasions over the last 2 1/2 years I have made mistakes. I have done things that I definitely wouldn't do again if I could just jump back in time. But, your father and I are first time parents and raising you is, as they say, like herding cats. We can do as much research as we want but when it comes right down to it, every single child is different and situations come at you rapid fire with no warning. One thing we need you to remember is that every single decision we made, even the ones we would go back and change, we did out of love for you. How much we love you and how much of that love went into those decisions should never, ever be a question in your mind. You were at the very beginning and the very end of every decision we have made since you joined our little family. Everything we do and every decision we make now, in some way, will eventually effect you. Please remember that your father and I take that very seriously. We just love the crap outta you and we really are trying to do everything "right", however that may be....
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Hello again my wonderful readers. Today I am coming to you with an immediate apology for some very poor behavior and Fellow-Parent etiquette on my end. Here is my very sad and humble confession: A few days ago a co-worker of mine asked for some advice on a gift to get a "crunchy" friend. My first thought was, "Oh boy, those guys...what CAN you get them that they won't return and trade for something safer or more green?" AAAAHHH!! How could I?? I immediately reprimanded myself and got into a better mind set (PS My advice to said co-worker? Teething Bling). I KNOW it is not my place to ever question to practices or opinions of other moms (unless the child is suffering, of course) and I had been doing just that when it came to Crunchy Moms! Bah! *shaking my head* Right then and there I resolved to truly dive deep into what it meant to be a Crunchy Mom. To really get some research done and find out what it was all about. The hows, the whys, and the nitty gritty of it all. Obviously, Crunchy Parenting is not just some crazy fad, as it has been around for a very very long time and it produces happy, healthy, wonderful little kids! So, what was my hang up? Why the judgmental awfulness? I'll tell you: rumors, gossip, and the fact that I hadn't seen it in action for myself. None of which are good spots to make opinions from. So, I have spent the last 3 days digging deep, doing some in depth research, talking with some Crunchy Mamas and getting the facts. You know what I found? Nothing. They aren't crazy, weird, or deranged in any way. In fact, most of the Moms do it because it is just easier, cheaper, and more efficient for them in the long run. *shrug* Who'd have thought? That's why I do parenting my way as well!
Alright, so I'm sure many of you are scratching you head and wondering what the heck Crunchy, Chewy, and Silky parents are. So, here's the general run down. (Side note: I'm not big in to sweeping generalizations or categorizing people. Just doesn't feel right. So, the things that I am putting in these lists are the ones that I have seen an entire general consensus on and that the separate groups generally agree on. Still feels weird for me but here we go)
You are generally considered to be a Crunchy Parent if you do most or all of the following (keep in mind, this is only the short list of things that most Crunchy parents agree should be here):
- Attachment parenting
- Co-Sleeping or you have a Family Bed
- Baby Wearing
- Cloth Diapering/Wipes or Elimination Communication
- Home Birth or you gave birth at a hospital but used a midwife or Dula and NO medication
- Delayed Cord Clamping
- Exclusive or Extended Breastfeeding, also practice "Baby Led Weaning"
- Delayed, Selective, or Exempt vaccinations
- Holistic or Alternative Medicine
- Vegetarian or Vegan feeding once eating solids
- Homeschooling or Unschooling
- Natural, Toxin-Aware, or Non-Plastic products
- TV free or Limited Media Family
- Organic gardening or Organic-only purchasing
- No Circumcision
- Placenta Consumption (*general consensus is that this is rare but highly important to the parents that do it*)
- Make your own clothing
- Make your own cleaning products or personal hygiene products, "No Poo" system
- Use Family Cloth
- Free Range Children
- Hospital Birth (usually with medical staff and sometimes with medicinal support)
- Crib sleeping
- Strollers
- Disposable diapers and wipes
- Bottle feed or part-time breastfeeding (usually package breast milk in bottle for travels outside the home)
- Formula feed
- Cord blood storage
- Full vaccinations on schedule
- Rely heavily on Pediatrician/nursing staff and modern medicines for medical concerns
- Purchased foods (usually omnivorous)
- Public Schooling
- Circumcision
- Purchased hygiene and cleaning products
- Cry it out system
- Generally full-time working parents
- Non Baby-Talking
Chewy Moms would be somewhere in the middle of all of that. I consider myself chewy for sure!
Now that we have a broad idea of the categories and what they, generally, entail, let's chat it out. Like I said, I consider myself Chewy. I am a firm believer in modern medicine, especially since my son has needed two surgical procedures to repair minor birth defects. My son would not be alive today if not for the doctors and nurses that supported him during his time in the womb, and in the NICU. When he got home, he needed oxygen support and had severe acid re-flux which prescription medication helped with. We had to formula feed because my son was too premature to breastfeed (though I did pump for three months and he received exclusively breast milk while in the NICU) and his specific premature needs were beyond the scope of my breast milk. We have always been on omnivorous family and are currently raising our son that way as well. If he wants to switch it up when he's older, we're all about helping him with that. Coming from a medically oriented background (Mom, aunts, cousins, and uncles in the medical field) we have always been strong believers in following doctors orders. We made sure that our pediatrician had the same general ideas about parenting and child development that we did and we have trusted his every word since then. On the Crunchy side, we didn't want to circumcise but, eventually, that choice was take out of our hands. We try all natural products when possible (cough medicines, teething tablets, amber necklace for teething, all natural cleaning products) but sometimes good ol' 409 is all that's gonna get that stain out. We don't believe in the Cry It Out method, though we had to ride the line a little when Liam was figuring out how to self sooth. We limit media in the home, making sure there is a balance of creativity time with his toys, books, and playing outside in general. Don't get me wrong, my son has his own profiles on Netflix and on our tablets but we try to keep it to a minimum and only as-needed for distraction in public. I so so so wanted to baby-wear but Liam was having none of it, crying every time we even kind of got him in a sling. Though he did well in the Jeep carrier my aunt sent me, it just wasn't practical for wearing around the house.
So, yeah, I'm somewhere in the middle. Like I said before, most parents who are largely in one direction or the other do it because, through all of their tireless research, it is what made the most sense to them and was most efficient for their family. It made their little hearts sing and that's what it all comes down to.
Deciding how to raise a child is such a deeply personal and introspective process. Once you decide to bring a little life into this world, figuring out how you want that child to live and how you want to help shape their world becomes this monster of a decision. If you sit down and think about it, do all of the research, talk to all of the parents that you know, talk to a religious leader (if that's who you are), talk to your parents, and just sit with it, it can become so overwhelming. It can completely panic a perfectly sane person. In the end, if you can come up with any sort of parenting decision or plan, more power to you. There are insane amounts of positive and negative information for every single item listed above and if all you've got figured out is that you think you might use formula or that you are pretty sure you want to co-sleep then good for you! All of it will have to be dealt with eventually and most of the time no one has a plan. Flying by the seat of your pants and hoping your kid comes out a decent member of society on the other side should be the very definition of parenting.
The most important thing about all of this is that all of the Crunchy, Chewy, and Silky parents that I have talked to agree on one simple fact: We are doing the very best we can at what we think is very best for our children. And, honestly. who can argue with that?
Alas, my apology. To the desperately misunderstood Crunchy, Chewy, and Silky Moms. May we all try are darndest to remember that, no matter the process, we are all trying to do the most difficult job on the face of this planet. And that having to dodge judgement, condemnation, and catty fellow-parents is just not something that was part of that job description when we signed up. So, next time a friend whips out some hummus and peppers for her kiddo while your monster is chowing down on animal crackers and peanut butter, take a second to look at your happy, healthy, thriving children and start a conversation. Who knows, you might just turn out a little Chewy yourself.
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